


Christina: Living in Exile/Return to the Fold

by slaysvamps



Series: Christina Strong Chronicles [17]
Category: World of Darkness (Games)
Genre: F/M, Vampire: The Masquerade - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-13
Updated: 2019-08-13
Packaged: 2020-08-20 19:55:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20233483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slaysvamps/pseuds/slaysvamps
Summary: Now that she's made a deal with the countess, Tina has to fulfill her end of the bargain. Returning to the Tremere fold is difficult, but it's even more so now that she knows Christina's Kindred sister and adopted sire have come to Detroit to help reintegrate her into the clan. The news that Malcolm Robbins might return her memories is just another stress factor eating away at her self control.





	1. Into the Breach

_To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven_  
_ Ecclesiastes 3:1_

“IT IS TIME.”

The words echoed in my mind as I followed Zach dela Rocha through the dark streets of Detroit, out of the city and toward the Tremere Country Chantry where I would be spending the next six months. I kept an eye in the rear-view mirror where I could see the SUV that carried both Petor and Frasier to make sure that they stayed with us.

“It is time.”

Zach had said those words when he’d walked into Walker’s Pub an hour after sundown this evening. I’d known he was coming, known that the time was at hand for me to leave my lover and friends behind, but knowing didn’t make hearing those words any easier.

“It is time.”

I sighed into the darkness of the car, wishing for the thousandth time that there was some other way for me to make the Tremere happy, a way that didn’t involve me living with them while they retrained me in the art of being one of them. Given a choice I didn’t want anything to do with them, but thanks to Christina Kline’s adopted sire, I had no choice.

“It is time.”

Deep down I knew that I was Christina, but I didn’t _feel_ like I was her and I sure as hell didn’t want to _be_ her. I was happy with the life I’d built here in Detroit since I’d appeared on her streets with no memory and only Petor to look after me. Unfortunately, I had once been Christina Kline of the House and Clan Tremere, and I knew I couldn’t fight them any longer.

“It is time.”

It _was_ time, time for me to stop fighting the inevitable, time to bury everything that made me Tina Andrews and get through the next six months as best I could. It wouldn’t be easy, but I’d manage one way or another. I’d promised the countess my full cooperation and that was what I intended to give her.


	2. The Chantry

_Hoggle: You really going in there, are you?_  
Sarah: Yes. I’m afraid I have to.  
Labyrinth

THE TREMERE COUNTRY Chantry was a large mansion on a spacious estate, with an identical yet smaller house behind it along with several other outbuildings. Zach led the way inside while the house ghouls took care of our luggage. Gathered in the foyer large enough to hold the entire apartment I shared with Scott was a group of Tremere, all of whom I’d seen before.

I’d hoped that I could maintain my calm but seeing two of the gathered Tremere caused a hesitation in my step. I wanted to stop, hell I wanted to leave, but I forced myself to walk on, toward Victoria and her people, toward Antonio Moreno and Brenda Thompson-Brown. The last two were people I’d hoped to avoid during my stay at the chantry and I’d had good reason to hope. They didn’t actually live in Detroit.

I couldn’t help but wonder what they were doing there, Christina’s adopted sire and sister. I’d thought for sure that Brenda would never have anything to do with me again, and while my relationship with Antonio was slightly better, he was a very important player among the Kindred of Las Vegas. I honestly wouldn’t have thought he’d have time to come visiting for my re-indoctrination into the clan.

Countess Victoria Dulac was the Tremere primogen of Detroit and the woman I’d made my bargain with. She introduced me to the people I’d never formally met, though I already knew most of their names and faces. I could feel Brenda’s eyes on me as I greeted each of them with as much respect as I could manage.

Jonathan McMichaels was the head of the country chantry while Gerard was the Regent. Riley Owens was the Keeper of the Scrolls. I wasn’t given titles for Dunstan Bruce or Libby.

I held my emotions tightly in check as I greeted Missy. I’d fought against the clan enforcer and her people more than once. While she wasn’t the main reason I was returning to the clan, her actions had forced me into the agreement I’d made with Victoria. I didn’t like Missy, not one bit, but I didn’t want her to know just how much animosity I held for her. I wasn’t sure I was hiding it well, but then her disgruntled expression was the same as it had been every time I’d seen her in the past.

There were several Tremere missing and I made careful note of their names; Amy Owens, the city chantry leader, Trevor Steel, Nikki, and Harry Hammer. I was glad the first two were absent. Each time I’d seen Trevor he’d looked at me like I was a buffet he wanted to take his time dining at. Amy had been Scott’s lover years ago and she’d used him to take over the city chantry. Given her shared last name with Riley, I wondered briefly if they were related.

The countess dropped a bit of her formality when we approached Antonio and Brenda. “And your sire and sister have honored us by deciding to join us here for your stay to aid in your training and other tasks.”

While I hoped that didn’t mean they were staying while I was, I wasn’t willing to bet on it. I nodded to Antonio respectfully and tried to keep the anger out of my voice. Antonio was the real reason I here, and I was sure I’d never forgive him for forcing me to return to the Tremere fold, even for six months. “_Seňor _Moreno.”

“Miss Andrews, my dear,” was his reply.

Brenda was a bit stiff, obviously not comfortable with the situation, but at least she was polite. “Good to see you. I hope everything is well?”

I strove to keep my voice as polite as hers had been. “I’m sure everything will be fine, in time.” That time would be about six months from now, when I could leave this place I was already coming to hate. I wanted so much to ask her what the hell she was doing there, but I managed to keep a tight hold on my emotions. “How are things in Salem?”

She smiled slightly and glanced over at her ghouls, who were next in line to greet me. “We’re fine, thank you for asking.” She turned to Frasier and gave him a warmer smile than she’d given me. “Frasier, it’s good to see you again.”

Her movement left me facing her husband, who nodded politely but didn’t so much as look at me. I didn’t know why Rafe hated me, but I’d known for some time now that he did. He behaved himself for the most part, but I could feel the resentment emanating from him whenever we were in the same room. He’d been like that ever since I could remember, and I had to wonder if he’d hated Christina, or if his hatred was something that had developed after I’d come to Detroit.

As I moved on to greet Howie, Brenda’s other ghoul, Frasier embraced Rafe in a manly hug. He asked about their flight and how things had been lately, and I think he’d have launched into a full-blown conversation right there had Petor not nudged him along. When Frasier would have done the same with Howie, Petor cleared his throat, prompting Frasier to move on.

When the introductions were over, several of the Kindred left the gathering to return to their nightly routines. Only the countess, Paige, Zach, Jonathan, and Missy remained. Missy seemed to be hanging back watching all of us, while Paige stood beside and slightly behind Victoria. The others were making polite conversation with Antonio, while the ghouls were talking amongst themselves.

I took the opportunity to speak with Brenda in relative privacy. “Why are you staying in town?” I asked without preamble.

“I’m here to teach you,” she said, her polite veneer firmly in place, “along with Antonio. Rafe will be working with Frasier and Petor.”

I blinked in surprise, unable to hide my reaction. “Why?”

She frowned slightly. “Why? Because he cares about what happens to you and is responsible for both of us. We are his childer. Of course, he would drop everything to come if he needed it. He’s done so for Michael as well.”

Her reply had only partially answered my question, and the way she’d worded it made me think she didn’t really want to be in Detroit. “Antonio wanted to be here. Why are you here?”

She looked down for just a moment and that one gesture spoke volumes. “Elvira wanted me to be the one to come.”

I nodded, not sure if I was happy that I’d been right. “Guess I’m fucking up your life again aren’t I?” Victoria seemed to be talking with Antonio, yet I knew they were both watching us. “I’m sorry,” I added softly. The bitch of it was that I really was sorry. It was painfully clear that she didn’t want to be there any more than I did. Being unkind at this point would only make things harder on both of us.

Antonio stepped away from the others to join our conversation, proving that he had indeed been listening. “My dear, of course that is not true,” he insisted as he put his hand on Brenda’s shoulder. “It is the furthest thing from the truth.”

“Of course, that’s not true,” Brenda said stiffly with an attempted smile at her sire. “Regardless of our relationship you are a clan mate in need,” she said to me. “I can put aside my feelings to do help you.”

Only time would tell if she really could, but for now I could only try to do the same. “I suppose I could argue the ‘in need’ part, but I will do as the countess wishes, of course.”

Her delicately arched brows lifted as if she couldn’t believe I wasn’t going to argue with her. “Your views of the clan have been skewed since you woke here. We are not the… controlling entity that you first thought we were.”

I choked back the bitter words that threatened to spill out. If the clan wasn’t controlling as she claimed, I sure as hell wouldn’t be standing in front of her. I’d be home, with my lover, or working at the security agency I’d started months ago.

Brenda looked away quickly as if she wasn’t sure the countess had spoken the truth, but a glance at Antonio brought her composure under control. “I should go check on Howie,” she said to him. “This is his first visit outside Salem, and I want to make sure he is comfortable. I also want to call Amber and check in on Gabriel.”

He nodded. “I know you are concerned that the boy is settled in for the night. Go look into matters and I will speak to you later.”

As she walked away, I eyed my boys where they stood talking with Brenda’s ghouls. I hoped they’d be safe here at the chantry, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it either way, not now.

“What of your abilities have you recovered on your own, my dear?” Antonio asked.

“Blood Rage,” I replied, trying not to smile at how I’d remembered that one in the shower with Scott. “Auspex and Dominate only work sometimes, though Heightened Senses is usually reliable. Occasionally things move when I’m... upset. Protean, of course, and Celerity.”

He seemed to be happy enough at the things I’d rediscovered on my own. “Is there something specific you would like to start with? I understand that there will be some initial lessons that are more general in nature, like Tremere history and such, but after that.”

There was a lot I wanted to say to him and might have if Victoria were not standing there watching us. As it was, my bargain with her decreed that I cooperate fully with whoever she chose to teach me, even if it was the two people guaranteed to bring out my bitterness and resentment.

“It’s not my place to say where my lessons begin or what they consist of,” I said coolly. “My place is to learn all that the clan chooses to teach me.”

He looked as if I’d surprised him. “I see,” he murmured. “Perhaps this is a question we can best answer at a later date, after you have had a chance to catch your breath a little.”

I bowed my head politely and refrained from pointing out that as a vampire I didn’t need to catch my breath. “As you wish, _Seňor_ Moreno.”

Again, he seemed surprised, in fact everyone seemed surprised that I was cooperating. I was betting Victoria hadn’t shared the details of the deal we’d made, either that or Christina hadn’t been very good at keeping her word.

“If you will excuse me, my dear, I wish to speak to Victoria about something before I forget,” he told me. “If you have any troubles settling in Brenda and Rafe will be across the hall from you.” He paused for a moment as if remembering something. “Ah, but I believe they will be spending the day at the house because of Gabriel. At any rate, if you need anything you have but to call and I will give what aid I can.”

Victoria stepped forward and suggested that everyone get settled in their rooms. She asked that the boys and I meet back in the foyer for a tour and added that her other guests were welcome to join us. There was nothing I could do but agree, though it left a bitter taste in my mouth.

Rafe went with the boys to show them their rooms, while Brenda and Howie led the way upstairs to my room, which was in fact across the hall from her and her husband. My room was small and plain enough, with a bed running across the wall opposite the door, a chair and lamp in a corner, and a dresser and desk. It looked as if there were network connections for my laptop near the desk, and I wondered how much of my communications with the outside world would be monitored. Opposite the desk were the bi-fold doors of a closet. An overhead light emphasized the room’s starkness. There were no windows, and immediately the walls seemed to close in on me.

The luggage I’d brought was lying on the bed. Two suitcases were full of clothing, suits, blouses and other things I’d had pushed to the back of my closet for the last six months. A carry-on bag held all my toiletries and in another case was my laptop and all of Christina’s notebooks. The ritual bag Brenda had given me for Christina and Jason’s anniversary held what few Thaumaturgical information and supplies I owned.

“Do you need any help unpacking?” Brenda volunteered from the doorway.

Her offer threw me off guard a bit. I had expected her to stay as far away from me as she could whenever she could. “Ah, no, I think I’m good, but...” while she was there, maybe she could help with something else. “I was wondering where the boys’ rooms were.”

She made a movement like she wanted to come in, and really it was childish for me to want to leave her standing in the hall. I gestured for her to come in and walked toward the bed to open the larger suitcase.

“They are in the basement,” she said as she and Howie walked into the room, closing the door behind them. “Rafe went with them to help them settle in. He is glad to be able to spend time with Frasier again, he’s missed him.”

“I’m sure he has.” I began unpacking as I tried to relax but it was almost impossible to do so. I kept waiting for the attack I knew would be coming sooner or later. “I think Frasier has missed him too.”

She glanced over the cases on the bed. “You still have the bag I gave you,” she commented as she began helping me unpack.

I spoke quickly and without thinking. “You expected me to burn it?” I caught myself immediately. “I’m sorry. Of course, I still have it.”

A smile touched her lips. “You know, you keep biting your tongue and eventually it you’ll bite it off.” There was a slight challenge to her familiar tone, as if she was trying to forget what had passed between us and behave like she was my sister again.

I didn’t want to play her game of make believe, yet I found myself responding as if I was a lot more comfortable with her than I felt. “I think I’ll have plenty of time to grow it back before I go home.”

She shook her head ruefully. “Always the mar—no, I’m sorry. I will not do this Tina.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “Look, if we’re going to get through this, why don’t we set up some ground rules, so we aren’t arguing every day?”

I sat down the shirt I’d been folding and looked at Brenda as calmly as I could manage. “I don’t intend to argue with you. I intend to get through my time here because I gave my word to the countess and when that time is over, I hope to god I—” With a sigh I stopped myself from saying what I really felt. I knew as well as she did that bickering would only make this harder on both of us. “Okay. Ground rules.”

“First of all, no nit picking at each other around Antonio,” she said with a nod. “He doesn’t need to hear us squabble.”

I could agree to that easily enough. “He’s an elder of the clan. I may not remember much about the Tremere, but I know better than that.”

“Secondly, I promise to not bring up our previous relationship,” she told me, “unless it would be to help your studies. Consider this a business relationship and nothing else.”

“Are you including Jason in that ‘previous relationship’ thing?” I asked carefully.

Her voice was even cooler than mine had been. “Definitely. I really don’t want to talk to you about him.”

“Good, ‘cause I’d rather not hear the lecture,” I murmured. “So, we agree to a business relationship, with no past baggage brought up in public or private, and no snide comments about my—about each others’ personal lives.”

“Fine,” she agreed. “Anything else?” Before I could answer, Howie cleared his throat. Brenda seemed to know what he was reminding her of and said, “Because there is a phone call that I need to make before we’re expected back downstairs.”

“I’m good.” I picked up the shirt I was folding and turned to put it into the drawer. “I meant what I said.” It was bad enough that the boys and I had to be here, I hated that anyone else was forced to come here because of me. “I’m sorry you have to be here. I know you’d rather not be.”

Behind me I heard the door open and Howie say, “I think I’m going to head back to the house when you have to meet up with everyone else. I want to be there if he wakes up hungry.”

“That’s fine,” she replied softly. Louder, she said, “Tina, I will meet you in the hall ten minutes before we’re to be downstairs okay?”

“Yeah.” I heard the door close and slumped over the dresser. If we could stick to the rules, we’d be alright, but somehow, I didn’t think Brenda had the self control, and I knew once she started in on me there would be no way I could keep my mouth shut. But I had to keep my mouth shut, and I knew it. My deal with the countess didn’t include arguing with my teachers.

I knew it did no good wishing I was home with Scott, with the pack, but I still made that wish. I’d never felt like I belonged among the Tremere, and having Brenda there just compounded my feelings of inadequacy. She was the perfect Tremere, beautiful, cultured, and dedicated. I was the black sheep, a Gangrel wannabe that everyone was determined they would force into the clan mold.

Near the end of the prescribed hour I walked out of my room to find Brenda and Howie waiting for me. The ghoul had his arm around her, which surprised me since he wasn’t the one she was married to, but I didn’t comment. It wasn’t until we moved toward the stairs that his arm fell away.

We rejoined the boys and Rafe in the foyer and were joined by Victoria and Antonio minutes later. Frasier and Petor stayed close to me during the tour, for which I was grateful. It was hard to maintain a calm façade when all I wanted to do was run screaming from the chantry.

Victoria conducted a tour of the house and grounds, showing us where the living, training and sleeping quarters were. The ghouls had rooms in the basement, which also held a gym and a common room for the servants. A subbasement held a pool and sauna area, which I thought the boys might like. The lower levels had entrances to underground tunnels that led to the smaller house we’d seen on the grounds where the Thaumaturgical laboratories were kept. The tunnels also led to the garage and a shooting range.

Once the tour was complete and we had returned to the foyer, Victoria paused long enough to say, “The re-training and other duties relating to Tina and the Trimuritive will begin at sundown tomorrow. The ghouls’ training will begin at noon, so I suggest they all get some sleep.”


	3. The Trimuritive

_You know I’ve tried a thousand times and I’ve tried to explain_   
_And I’ve cried a thousand times over things that I can’t change_   
_ Kid Rock – What I Learned out On the Road_

THE COUNTESS AND Antonio were gone by the time I was able to process what she’d said. “Wait, what about the Trimuritive?”

Brenda glanced at her husband before answering. “Perhaps we should return to our room to discuss the Trimuritive.”

I nodded. “Yours or mine?”

She glanced at the five of us gathered in the hall. “My room is larger. Let’s go there.”

Brenda’s room was a suite and the furniture were much better quality. The main room had a desk and phone, along with a table and chairs, and a seating area that included a TV. Open doors showed the bedroom and bath. I wondered if the difference in our rooms was because her husband was staying with her, or because she was basking in the clan’s good graces.

Once the door closed behind Petor, I asked, “What does the Trimuritive have to do with my training?”

Rafe moved chairs from the table closer to the seating area and motioned for everyone to sit. I stood near the boys as Brenda began to speak.

“The Trimuritive was in Salem recently,” she told us, moving to stand behind Rafe and putting her hand on his shoulder. “I have talked to him and he isn’t finished with you yet.” Her eyes fell on me with the last of her words and a chill ran through me.

“What do you mean, he’s not finished with me?” I asked.

“Just what I said,” she replied calmly. “I believe that he may be dying, or at least coming to the end of his time this go around.” She glanced down at her husband and squeezed his shoulder lightly. “He came looking for a child to replace him and wanted our help.” Once again, her gaze fell on me. “He told me he still needed you.”

“What does he need me for?” I demanded as calmly as I could. “And why would he come to you for anything? I thought you hated him.”

“I tried to find out, but he wouldn’t give any specifics,” she told me. “And I don’t know why he came to me, but he got what he needed, and the Verbena magic will continue.” She looked a little sad about that, as if she’d lost someone personally in the exchange.

“It’s good to know I didn’t completely waste my time saving him in Russia,” I murmured, then louder asked, “You helped him find a child?”

She nodded, but before she could answer Rafe stood and pushed his hand through his hair, Brenda’s gaze followed him for a moment before she turned to look at me sadly, not saying a word. Obviously, something else had happened, something she wasn’t telling me.

“Who’d he take?” I asked softly.

Rafe glared at me, his eyes dancing with anger. “My nephew,” he ground out through clenched teeth. “My nephew’s childhood gets sacrificed for the Verbena. I’m so glad you helped free him.”

The last words were dripping with sarcasm and I could tell that he blamed me for the loss of his nephew. Petor noticed it too, and I could see he was preparing for any violent action Rafe might feel compelled to take against me.

“Rafe,” Brenda soothed, moving to his side and putting a hand on his arm. He sighed loudly and walked away, keeping his back to the group.

At first, I didn’t want to say anything because I was sure that anything I said would be taken wrong. The longer I held my tongue, the more I was sure I didn’t want to, couldn’t in fact. I knew the situation wasn’t a good one, but I wasn’t about to let a ghoul walk all over me. I had enough of that attitude from Frasier.

“I didn’t hand your nephew over,” I pointed out. “I did what I had to so the magic would continue. I think.” The last bit was added softly, since I wasn’t sure exactly what I had done in Russia to save Malcolm Robbins and the Verbena magic.

Rafe wheeled around, causing Petor to leap to his feet, but before anything could be said, Brenda moved to stand between them.

“Rafe, stop,” she said softly, putting her hands on his chest. “This is counterproductive to why we are here, and we’ve talked about this.”

“You always stick up for her, don’t you?” he growled down at her. “No matter what happens, you—”

“Stop,” she repeated more forcefully.

The look that passed between them spoke volumes, but after a few moments he closed his eyes, held his hands in surrender and took a step back.

“I’m sorry, Tina,” she said without looking at me. “As you can imagine this adjustment has been really hard for all of us. Harder for some,” she added under her breath as she reached out to touch her husband’s arm.

I put my hand on Petor’s shoulder and pushed down gently. He got the point and sat down, but before any of us could speak there came a voice from the direction of the door.

“I was wondering if this would come up tonight.” The light Spanish accent identified the newcomer as Zach even before I turned to see him standing calmly in the doorway with Archie not far behind him. “Pardon me for intruding un-invited, but I heard the raised voices. May we enter?”

Brenda nodded and took a step toward him. “Of course, _Seňor_ dela Rocha. Please, come in. Tina had questions about the Trimuritive after Victoria mentioned him, so we were trying to explain the recent happenings to her.” She glanced at Rafe, who seemed to be taking the opportunity to calm himself. “I’m sure you are aware of what happened and the loss that our family has undergone. We realized that Brendan isn’t completely gone from us, but it’s still hard to deal with nevertheless.”

The two men entered the room and closed the door. “Correct me if I am mistaken,” Zach said logically, “but the child was given freely by his parents, was he not?” When Brenda nodded, he added, “As much as that might pain you, it is hardly fair to say Malcolm ‘took’ him. He paid a price, did he not? Gave something of equal value to balance the loss of the child?”

“That is correct,” she agreed with another nod, “and an easy way to look at the situation if you are removed from it. However, it is something altogether different to deal with and accept on a personal level.” After another glance at her husband, she continued. “The hurt is still fresh, but I’m sure that in time we will look at the situation differently and look forward to the time when we might see Brendan again.”

“There is no comparison for our kind of the honor it is to have a child chosen for this,” he told us. “The closest we could come would be to imagine your favorite ghoul being offered the embrace from the likes of Tremere himself. But your point is a valid one my dear. The pain is fresh, but I speak from experience when I say that it may not ease with time. Brendan as you knew him is gone. Magic of that level changes people.”

I watched Zach as he spoke, wondering how he much he knew of the Trimuritive. It sounded as if he knew quite a bit, perhaps had even known him personally, or perhaps one of the other incarnations. I knew I could be wrong, but I just had to ask. “Who was he to you, the one who changed when he became the Trimuritive? I mean, we’re probably not talking about Malcolm Robbins, are we?”

“No, it was not Malcolm,” he told me sadly, “nor was it one close to me who became the Magic, but rather someone close to me who was changed by the Magic. He was, and is, my childe.”

Brenda reached for Rafe’s hand and he seemed to be comforted by her touch. “Well, since we don’t know what to expect we will just wait to see what happens,” she told him. To Zach, she said, “I apologize if our raised voices disturbed you. Tina and I have already made an agreement to put aside any past baggage that we have incurred in the last few months and I haven’t had a chance to bring everyone up to speed. It will not happen again.”

Rafe seemed to take her words as a cue and looked first at Zach and then at me. “I apologize for speaking out of turn. It-it won’t happen again.”

I nodded. “Honestly I’d prefer to pretend it didn’t happen in the first place.”

“You did not disturb me,” Zach assured Brenda. “I was on my way to see you as a matter of fact, to speak to you about the Trimuritive and your dealings with him.”

“Of course.” Brenda glanced between me and the boys before continuing. “I think we were done here anyway, right? The guys need to sleep soon so that they are ready for tomorrow so that will give us an opportunity to talk.” To Zach she added, “Did you wish for Tina to stay?”

“That is between the two of you,” he assured her. “I merely wish to hear the events again, before we begin tomorrow.”

Brenda looked to me, but I knew my place here. It wasn’t my decision whether to stay or go, thought I desperately wanted to stay.

“The outcome will affect her in the end ultimately. I don’t mind if she stays,” she told Zach before turning to Rafe. “Why don’t you go lay down so that you are prepared for tomorrow?”

He came close to protesting, but in the end, he simply nodded and went into the bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

“You’ll have a long day ahead of you,” I told my boys. “Go get some rest, I’ll check on you later.”

Frasier opened his mouth to say something smart assed, I was sure, but Petor nudged him before he could voice his humor. My hard look went unnoticed, though I did see that Brenda was amused by his misbehavior.

When the four of us were alone, Brenda gestured for everyone to sit down. Zach was the only one who accepted her offer, sitting in one of the chairs with Archie just behind him. I moved off to one side, trying to stay inconspicuous.

We listened as Brenda told of how she and her ghouls had struck a homeless man in the street, how the car had crumpled around the figure, but he didn’t move. Once they had gotten outside the car, time had stopped for everyone but Brenda and Malcolm, the latter of which had offered to return my memories in exchange for a child. I stayed silent while she explained that she had been loathed to make any kind of deal with Malcolm, but he had given her twenty-four hours to think about it.

At that point in the story I couldn’t keep quiet any longer and I couldn’t keep the anger from my voice. “You made a bargain with him for my memories?!”

“That is what he was bargaining for,” she confirmed calmly. “He says that he is the only one who can return them.”

“But he knows I don’t _want_ them,” I protested tightly, “and so do you. Why would you trade Rafe’s nephew for something I don’t even want?”

Brenda’s eyes narrowed a bit. “What do you mean, you told him?”

“I told him just like I told you,” I replied hotly, more than irritated that she had agreed to change my life when she knew that I liked it just the way it was. “What is it with you people making deals for my life?”

“When did you talk to him?” she demanded.

“What does it matter?” I shot back. “Obviously he didn’t listen to me any more than you did.”

“Of course, it’s important,” she replied, glancing at Zach. “You will be involved in the shifting over of a huge amount of Mage power if Malcolm can be trusted enough to be believed. There’s no telling what could happen. Anything that he said needs to be analyzed in the hopes of giving you an upper hand so that you are guaranteed to survive.”

I frowned, not fully understanding what she was getting at. “What are you talking about? What shift of power and why would I have anything to do with it?”

“Malcolm holds the source of the Verbena magic within himself,” she explained. “That’s why their magic was diminished when he was held, wherever he was when you freed him. He claims that he is dying, or rather that his time is coming to an end; I’m not exactly sure what that means. Anyway, that’s why he needed a child. He needed someone to take over for him once he’s gone. That’s why he approached Samantha and me, to help him find the child he needed.”

“Okay, I got that part,” I said curtly. “But what does it have to do with me?”

She shrugged as if it really didn’t matter to her. “I don’t know. Malcolm never said anything to me about the specifics. What did he say to you?”

“He-” I hesitated just long enough to glance at Zach and remember that I was supposed to be cooperating. I didn’t like it, but that was the bargain I’d made with the countess. “He offered to give me my memory back. I said thanks but no thanks and sent him on his way.” I’d managed to calm my voice, but it was harder to get a hold on my temper.

“What did he want you to do for him?” she pressed, watching me carefully.

“Nothing,” I said honestly. “He’s one of the few people from Christina’s life who never asked me for anything.” Unlike everyone else who had approached me since I’d come to Detroit. It was frustrating, really, knowing that every time they looked at me, they wanted me to be someone else.

“Doesn’t sound like him,” she commented absently.

“Why, because he didn’t ask me to sacrifice my self for—” I stopped myself before I could say something hateful. “You said I’m supposed to be involved in the shift of power. What does that mean? How?”

“Like I said, I don’t know,” she repeated. “He wouldn’t say.”

“But you said he was dying,” I reminded her. “How does the power get transferred to-to Brendan?”

To everyone’s surprise, Archie spoke in a very low voice. “He must die.”

“But-but if he’s dying, what does he need me for?” I wasn’t sure who I was asking that question of. I was too busy trying to deal with the fact that one of the few people I’d thought understood my need to leave the past behind had gone to Brenda and bargained for my memories. To top it off, I couldn’t help but feel like I’d failed when I thought about him dying. I knew it made no sense, but there it was.

“I don’t know how the transfer will happen.” She took a deep breath as if the very thought of the transfer of power upset her. “He took Brendan to another realm where time moves differently so that he would have time to train him.”

I looked at Zach and his companion, hoping they’d have better answers.

“I do have some theories and references as to how it will happen, but we shall discuss this more tomorrow,” he told Brenda. To me, he said, “We should not bother you further this night, but rather allow you to settle in completely.”

I knew when I was being dismissed and I didn’t like it one bit. Obviously, there was more to the story that he didn’t want me to know. I opened my mouth to argue and shut it again quickly. I wasn’t there to argue, I was there to obey. “Tomorrow night then,” I said tersely as I turned toward the door.

Before I could take one step to leave, Zach rose, and the two men made their way to the door. Brenda followed them to it and after brief good nights, they were gone leaving Brenda and me alone, which was somewhere I didn’t want to be.

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow,” I told her as I headed for the door.

“Yes, tomorrow,” she agreed. “Sleep well and I’m sorry about Rafe. He’s dealing with his anger issues but seeing you has brought it all back again. It won’t happen again.”

“I’m not sure what I did to piss him off, but I hope you’re right.” I knew he was mad about Brendan, but there was more to his anger at me. “Good night then.”

“Good night.”

I returned to my room, but it wasn’t long before I felt like the walls were closing in. I couldn’t help but wonder how long it would be before Christina’s past caught up with me. Though I hated what she’d done, I couldn’t really blame Brenda for making the deal with Malcolm. She wanted her sister back and she believed if I remembered who I’d been she’d get what she wanted. I couldn’t bring myself to believe in that fairy tale.

Unfortunately, there was nothing I could do to change the bargain Brenda had made with Malcolm, nothing I could do to stop the memories from returning and ruining my life. I just couldn’t believe that I’d ever be able to step back into Christina’s life no matter what I did or did not remember. No matter how many tears I cried or how well-meaning Brenda’s actions were, I knew that if I got Christina’s memories back, I would hate her, and myself.

I’d done things as Tina Andrews that Christina would never have done, made decisions that she would have shied away from. I knew now that Christina would never have slept with Scott, never have chosen to ignore her friends and family to build a life here in Detroit. She would never have fought her clan or struggled so hard to keep Frasier under control.

Knowing those things didn’t mean that I wished I’d made the choices she would have. I loved Scott, loved the pack, and though I did wish I knew how to handle Frasier better, I honestly believed I had a better, happier life here in Detroit than Christina ever had known living in Salem with Jason and the Tremere. I was happy with my life now, but if I remembered what I’d had, what I’d thrown away… I wasn’t sure I’d ever be happy again.

I paced for a while, then looked over what few notes I had from Cormac on Thaumaturgy, but neither occupied me for long. Eventually I went downstairs to check on the boys, but even there I was thwarted as their door was locked.

I stood there for a long moment with my forehead resting on the door. Part of me wanted to wake them up to make sure they were all right, but I knew that my fears were most likely groundless. I forced myself to simply listen for the sounds of their breathing and was satisfied when I heard two separate rhythms of snoring.

The next few hours were hard for me. I wasn’t sure if I had the run of the chantry, so I limited myself to my room. I hadn’t planned on being so idle so soon after my arrival, but after an hour or so of pacing I sat down to look over Christina’s notes and compile my own from hers on the Trimuritive.


	4. Lessons Begin

_And the leaves at my feet_   
_Whisper sounds so familiar_   
_ Concrete Blonde – Darkening of the Light _

I WOKE THE next evening to find Frasier and Petor waiting just outside my room. After I got dressed, we spoke for a few minutes while I finished getting ready for the evening. I felt almost naked without most of my weapons, but since the reason I’d gone completely armed for the last few months was to stay away from the Tremere, it seemed a bit like overkill now. I had the Walther PPK at my ankle, of course, and a Glock 17 in the small of my back, but I’d left the rest of the arsenal at home.

The boys had gone on another tour of the house and grounds during the day, seeing more of the working areas than we had the night before. They’d also toured the City Chantry, a place I’d never been and hoped to avoid.

We walked downstairs together where we found Brenda and Jonathan waiting for us. The boys went off to continue their evaluations while the three of us went on the more detailed tour of the house and grounds the boys had been on earlier. The library was magnificent, and I was told that I could use it whenever my free time allowed.

It was almost nine when we met up with Victoria, Antonio and Zach in a private study. Zach and Brenda went off to talk about the Trimuritive while I was asked to sit down. For the next few hours I listened as Antonio and the countess outlined the Tremere clan history, structure and organization. I was glad I’d had the foresight to bring a notepad as it was complicated. Although I didn’t remember any of it from Christina’s time in the clan, all of it sounded like it really should have been familiar to me.

Victoria and Antonio were patient with me as I asked questions and took notes. They even took the time to explain the animosity between the Tremere and the Salubri clans when I asked about it. When it looked like they were wrapping the lesson up, I asked about one more thing.

“Why is the clan so interested in the Trimuritive?” After my conversation with Zach and Brenda the night before, I was sure she had expected me to ask.

“We wish to better understand the very nature of magic itself,” she said calmly.

“Then you wish to study him?”

“At least,” she conceded.

“And at most?”

She said nothing, just sat back smiling coyly in a manner that had ‘embrace’ written all over it, which confirmed what Malcolm himself had told me.

“Surely you realize that he knows what you intend for him,” I murmured.

“Of course,” she agreed easily. “We have been close to capturing him a few times.”

“Brenda said that he still needed me for something,” I told her. “Is that why I’m here? So you can have another chance at him?”

“My dear, you have been told our reasons for wishing you back numerous times,” she said patiently. “The fact that he is not through with you just came out, after we had struck our agreement I might add.”

I nodded and looked down apologetically, although I still didn’t see why I was so important to the clan that they’d go through all the trouble they had to bring me back. Then I glanced at Antonio from the corner of my eye and remembered that _he_ was the reason I was here; he’d made his own bargain with Victoria to bring me back. I didn’t know what it had cost him, but I hoped that it had cost him a lot. After a moment, I looked back at the countess. “Do you have any idea what he wants with me?”

“None,” she admitted. “That is what _Seňor_ dela Rocha is trying to figure out.”

“Brenda told me last night that Malcolm is dying,” I said carefully, “which means you won’t have much time to find out what he needs. When he dies, will Rafe’s nephew become the Trimuritive?”

“Yes.”

A part of me hoped that Malcolm would die before he had the chance to give me back my memory. I knew the thought was harsh, but I couldn’t help it. Another part of me wanted to volunteer to help Zach figure out what the Trimuritive needed of me so I could find a way to save Malcolm, but I didn’t know if I could stand to work that closely with the man.

“Thank you for answering my questions,” I said at last.

“But of course,” she replied with a smile. “We are here to help you. Now then….”

As if on cue, the door opened, and Paige walked in.

“If you will follow Paige, we will rejoin you shortly,” Victoria continued.

“Of course.”

I followed Paige to the basement, into the underground tunnel and to a large room with several chairs around a table. She offered me a seat on one side of the table and then went to wait on the other side.

We sat there in silence for several minutes until I couldn’t take it anymore. “So, been in Detroit long?”

“As long as the countess has,” she replied politely.

Of course, that didn’t really tell me much. “Is that a long time then?”

“A very long time, yes.”

I wondered if she had been the countess’ fetch and carry girl the entire time. “I guess it’s not often that a city has two chantries. When did that happen?”

“The Clan decided they needed to take a more active role in the economics of the city after the Brujah revolted, so we established the City Chantry,” she explained.

I raised an eyebrow. I hadn’t heard anything of that in my dealings with the Brujah, and the clan seemed far too fragmented to try and stage a coup. “The Brujah revolted?”

“Yes. It was some time ago,” she told me. “The primogen who led it is dead, as is his childe who replaced him.”

Which explained why the Brujah clan was so fragmented. “Do you spend much time at the City Chantry?”

“Only when the countess does.”

Though she was answering all my questions, I felt like I was pumping her for answers. “Is that a lot or a little?”

“We are here more and have always been.”

“I understand the leadership of the City Chantry changed hands not too long ago.”

She sighed and looked directly at me for the first time. “Yes, it did, Tina. And your boyfriend killed to make it happen. I _know_ who you are, I know who your friends are, and what you all will do to get what you want.”

While I didn’t really want to get into an argument with Victoria’s pet, this open hostility was much easier for me to deal with than the polite veneer she’d been giving me. “What is it that you think I want?”

“I don’t know yet,” she replied, “but I do know that your type will do anything to get it.”

“My type?” I might have been amused at her opinion of me if the circumstances had been different. “Would that be the amnesiatic type or Dougal’s childer, or maybe the type to hang out with Gangrel?”

Based on her reaction I was willing to bet it was the latter, but at that point Victoria, Antonio, Missy and one of the clan ghouls entered the room.

Stifling a sigh, I tried to bring my emotions under control. I’d known that I was going to have a hard time with some of the Tremere because of my choice of friends, but it was rather irritating to be classified with Amy Owens, a woman who had used Scott to further her own interests in the clan. There was also the fact that I wasn’t real happy to see Missy.

Victoria excused Paige then indicated that everyone should be seated. The next few hours were full of rigorous testing to see what disciplines I could remember, then retesting them to see if I could repeat them at will. While they didn’t show me how to do the things I couldn’t remember, they did at least tell me what they were.

They also wanted to know what non clan disciplines I could use, which meant showing them what I knew of Protean and Celerity. Thankfully there was a supply of blood in the room that I could drink to replace what I used during our show and tell session.


	5. A Walk in the Garden

_And I’m sorry if my heart breaking_   
_ Ruined your day_   
_ Jewel – Sometimes It Be That Way_

WHEN I GOT back to my room, I found that it was nearly three o’clock. I still had three hours of time to kill before dawn, and I didn’t really want to spend all of it in my room. Petor had left a note on the desk telling me about the training they had scheduled for the next day, and while I was a little anxious about the testing of disciplines they would go through, all I could do was hope that Petor found a way to hide his magical abilities.

I knew I couldn’t spend the next three hours staring at the walls, so I grabbed a jacket and set out to find a little fresh air. I’d barely left my room when I saw Brenda coming out of hers.

“Need some air?” she asked with a smile.

“A little,” I admitted. “There’s no window in my room. I thought I’d try to find the gardens, or the roof or something. See a little sky for a change.”

“Would you mind some company?”

I couldn’t help but wonder why she wanted to spend time with me and looked down quickly to hide my suspicions. “No, not at all. Up or down?”

“Hmm, garden,” she answered absentmindedly. “I’m feeling the need for green.”

Turning toward the stairs I tried to stifle the hope that she’d be too preoccupied to pay much attention to me.

“How were your lessons?” she asked, proving that even with other things on her mind, she would still be interacting with me.

I wasn’t sure how well things had gone, so I shrugged. “I don’t remember how to do very much. I’m afraid I disappointed the countess and your sire.”

“Our sire,” she corrected. “I’m sure it’s fine. You’ll be able to do everything you could before and then some. You were always a quick study. I, on the other hand, not so fast.”

For a moment I didn’t reply, but no matter how much I knew I had to cooperate, in the end I couldn’t let her thoughtless comment pass. “I thought we weren’t going to bring up the past?”

She looked up in confusion. “Huh?”

“_Seňor_ Moreno is _your_ sire.” Though Antonio had adopted Christina, and she had accepted him as her sire for nearly eight years, I barely knew or remembered him. Dougal Galloway, killed years before I’d found myself in Detroit, was my sire.

“Sorry,” she murmured. “Momentary bout of forgetfulness, won’t happen again.”

“It’s okay.” Obviously, she had her mind on other things. I was tempted to leave it at that, but something made me say, “You seem a bit preoccupied.”

“Yeah, I spent most of the night reading,” she replied. “That’s why a walk sounded good. Rafe is fast asleep and I didn’t want to wake him. He left a schedule, sounds like they’re getting a good workout.”

“So I gather.”

“It’s good for them,” she continued. “Rafe is overly conscious of his health and Frasier has always been in shape for as long as we’ve known him. If this keeps up, though, we might not see much of them.”

“I didn’t think we would.” I was worried about that, but I tried to keep it from my voice. I liked my boys where I could keep an eye on them and make sure they were safe even though I knew it drove them, and usually everyone else around us, crazy. “Once the initial training is over, they’re supposed to have a lot more freedom than I do.”

“I’m sure that’s true.” She glanced at her watch. “Oh, crap. I forgot to call Howie tonight to see how Gabe’s doing.”

“Did you take on another ghoul?”

She nodded. “Howie and Rafe are old college friends. They run their business out of the house, so Howie was around a lot. I was worried that he might get pulled into our world, so I asked to ghoul him. It was a great choice.”

“I knew about Howie,” I reminded her. “You told me before that you had ghouled him. I’m talking about… Gabe?”

“Gabe.” A secret smile crept onto her lips at his name. “Gabe is the new man in our lives,” she told me, sounding very excited. It was almost as if she’d been waiting for the chance to tell me about him. “He is the baby that the clan found to give Malcolm. When we found out he wasn’t the one we decided to keep him. I think mentioned him earlier.”

I shot her a glance but couldn’t read much besides happiness from her expression. “I guess I’m confused. You tried to give this child to Malcolm, and he wouldn’t take it?”

She shook her head and her voice was sad when she answered. “He wasn’t the one, Brendan was. Gabe’s mother didn’t want him, sold him to us as a matter of fact, so that’s why we decided to keep him. Oh, he’s so beautiful, dark hair and eyes, like Rafe’s.”

“You bought a child?” I asked softly. “I mean, just to give him to Malcolm?”

“Actually, the Clan did,” she admitted, “but I would have if they hadn’t.”

“Why?” I could tell she wasn’t sure what I was asking, so I tried to clarify. “Why is my memory so important that you and the clan were willing to give up an innocent child for it? Any innocent child apparently.”

“The stipulation was that the child had to be given freely, that’s the only reason why I was okay with even going along with it,” she told me firmly. “I’m not some monster who would randomly buy or steal a child to give to anyone, especially to that… man. You should have seen how that baby was living,” she added earnestly. “His mother didn’t want him, didn’t take care of him. I couldn’t let him go back to that after we found out that Brendan was the one that would work for Malcolm.”

If the circumstances were as bad as all that, I could admire her for wanting to save the child, for taking him into her home, but the fact was that she _had_ bought an innocent child with the sole purpose of giving him to a man she hated.

“Well it’s great that things worked out for you then,” I drawled. “I mean, yeah, you had to deal with your worst enemy, and give up Rafe’s nephew, but you got a son, and I’ll get my memory back. When’s that supposed to happen anyway?”

“Well, it might not,” she said tersely, almost as if she was talking to an impertinent child. “Since Brendan was the child that Malcolm ended up taking, it was Samantha’s bargain that was honored, not mine. She received a child to replace the one she gave up.”

I stifled a sigh of relief as we walked outside even as I wondered why she hadn’t told me that much the night before. It would have saved me a night of worry and tears.

“That doesn’t mean that Malcolm is done with you, though,” she continued, bringing my tension levels back up. “He’ll be back some time before his time is done. If he’s nice enough he might give you your memories back, but it won’t be because he has Brendan.”

“Nice enough,” I repeated slowly. “Well that’s one way to look at it.” I knew Brenda could only see it that way and there was no use arguing that getting my memory back wouldn’t be nice at all. “Matt’s mother sold him to you?” When she nodded, I asked, “How’s that working? I mean with you here to baby-sit me.”

“Howie is taking care of him most of the time, unfortunately,” she told me as we entered the garden. “But he will be here every weekend with Gabe, and we’ve been given the use of a house in town since the baby isn’t allowed at the chantry.”

“That’s nice for you.” At least someone got to continue their lives during these next six months even if it wasn’t me. I didn’t really wish Brenda ill, I just wished her… elsewhere. “I’ve never been around kids. Well, unless you count the boys. And the Brujah. Well, and Maggie.” Just talking about them all made me feel homesick.

“Of course, you ha—shit,” she exclaimed apologetically as she rubbed her forehead. “Sorry. Sometimes I speak without even thinking. Look, if you want to meet him… maybe you could come over one weekend,” she offered hesitantly.

“Maybe. I’d have to get permission to leave.” Part of me wanted to meet the child she was so crazy about, but part of me was remembering Christina’s past, or at least what little I knew of it. “Cormac sent me a tape, before he died, of the-the holding.” I tried not to remember that it was a tape of Christina and Jason’s wedding and focused instead on the Christening. “Christopher was on it.”

She nodded. “Yes. He is Lena’s son.”

“Yeah, I know.” He was also Christina and Jason’s godson.

“What about him?”

I glanced at her for a moment, then turned my head to hide my thoughts. “Well, nothing, really. It’s just he’s the only child I know of that Ch-I ever really got close to. I doubt I’ll ever even see him.”

“You spent time with Brendan, too, while you lived with me,” she pointed out. “Do-do you want to see Christopher?”

“It’s a moot point, isn’t it?” I smiled wryly. “Lena hates me.”

“Well, she is a little upset with you,” she agreed slowly. “I don’t mean to sound like a shrink here, but I have to ask; how do you feel about that?”

We’d been walking through the garden, but as we approached a bench, I took the time to sit down on it, trying to give myself a few more minutes of thought before I answered.

“No, she hates me,” I said at last. “She called me, you know, just after I-I woke up here. I’m afraid I burned that bridge before I even knew it existed. She wrote me a letter that, well, it was venom couched in niceties and politeness.” Though I couldn’t remember Lena, the wording of her letter had still left me aching. “And I don’t know how to feel about that. Right now, I guess it doesn’t really matter, I mean, I don’t even remember her or Christopher, but if I get my memory back....” I let that thought trail away unfinished and tried not to think about how I would feel.

“I don’t know what to tell you,” she said after a moment or two. “The likelihood that you ever get them back is still unknown so it might not matter.”

It did matter, or at least I knew that it would matter if Malcolm played to Brenda’s ‘nice’ standards. Even without remembering my relationship with Jason, I missed him. If I did remember what we had shared, I honestly believed I would be completely devastated that I’d lost him.

“Did you ever want something really bad,” I asked slowly. “I mean like crave it, more than blood, more than anything, to the point that you knew you would give up everything you were, everything you ever wanted to be, to have it?”

I could see the war in her eyes over whether to answer me or not, but eventually she nodded. “When Michael told me what he was… all I wanted was for him to make me like him.” She looked away briefly, almost as if she wasn’t sure she should continue, but eventually she did. “I was already head over heels in love with him and I knew that. After he had ghouled me, I asked him to embrace me, but he refused. I carried that need around for a long time. I know what you’re talking about.”

I nodded at the truth in her words, hoping that her memory of that need would help her understand what I was about to say. I’d never spoken to anyone about what I’d felt when I was with Jason, but strangely enough I felt like I could talk to Brenda about it.

“That’s the way I felt when I was with Jason,” I admitted softly. “I wanted to be with him so badly that I felt like I would do anything at all just to be the woman he thought I was.” I took a deep breath and forced myself to finish the thought, baring my soul to a woman who had shown little care for my feelings in the past. “It was terrifying, because I knew if I did it, if I just let myself be who he wanted me to be, I’d never really know who I was. I’d never really know if that woman really was me, or just someone I became because I wanted to be with him so badly.”

A strangled sound of anguish came from her throat. “Oh, honey,” she soothed as she reached out to touch my hair. “Don’t you know that it didn’t matter to him? He just wanted you. He was more okay with accepting Tina than the rest of us were. If you would have given him a chance…” She stopped and pulled her hand away, as if she remembered why Jason had given up on me, on _us_.

“It mattered to me,” I said softly, sadly, watching her profile as she avoided looking at me. “I don’t know what would have happened if he’d have come here like I asked him to. I guess it doesn’t matter anyway, does it?” I reached up to wipe the tears from my eyes and made my voice as steady as I could. “No matter what happens with my memory, Jason and I are over.”

She nodded firmly. “Yes. I’m sorry to see it happen, but you and he are over. Jason is a completely different person now.”

I shrugged not because I didn’t care, but because I knew I’d never see Jason again, never really know what my rejection had done to him, and I didn’t want her to see how much that hurt. “I don’t regret it. I’m happy with Scott. I know you don’t like it, and I know you don’t like him, but I do. He makes me feel safe. I know that no matter who I am, he’ll accept that and love me anyway. I love him,” I said, looking up at her for a moment before looking out over the garden. “I don’t regret breaking things off with Jason now, but how do you think I’m going to feel when I remember exactly what it was that I walked away from?”

“You’ve made your bed, Tina,” she said almost harshly as she crossed her arms over her chest. “You will have to lie in it and deal with your consequences if they happen.” With a sigh, she added, “If you will excuse me, I need some time alone. I’ve recently found that talking about the past is exhausting and I’d rather look to the future. Good night.”

As she moved away, I stood up, irritated that her attitude had taken such an about face. “What, the stroll down memory lane was cool as long as I was admitting I made mistakes? If I know I ‘done wrong’ you’re happy? If you get your way, if Malcolm gives me back my memory and I hate myself for the choices I’ve made, will that be punishment enough in your eyes?”

She turned abruptly and headed for a bench not far away from where I was standing. “I don’t think that you need any punishment,” she said as she sat down. “You are my clan mate. I care about what happens to you, but I no longer have an opinion on what happens if you ever get your memories back, which I wouldn’t count on that happening.”

“You don’t have an opinion,” I shot back, “but you were willing to give Malcolm a child even after I made the deal with the countess to come here.” I searched for her aura and found nothing but bitterness and uncertainty.

When she said nothing, I spoke again, trying to keep my voice calm, but even I could hear the anger that crept in around the edges. “You know what I think? I think you were more than happy to make a deal with Malcolm over my memories until you found out he needed Brendan. I built a new life here, I’m happy here, and you hate that. It doesn’t matter if I want my memory back or not, you _want_ me to have it because then I’ll know just how badly I fucked up. I don’t know what you expect to happen, Brenda, but it doesn’t matter if I have my memory back or not. When I leave this chantry, I’m going _home_, and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it.”

Without waiting for a reply, I headed for the house. I knew I’d hate being cooped up in the cage that was my room, but unless I was mistaken, Brenda had been charged with keeping an eye on me. The fact that she followed me as far as the house to make sure I went inside was all the proof I needed.

As soon as the bedroom door closed behind me, I started feeling claustrophobic again. I hated knowing that Brenda had gotten under my skin so easily, that she’d made me break my vow to stay calm so quickly. What was worse was the fact that I’d have to deal with her every time I set foot out of the house.

Every time she looked at me, I saw the same thing in Brenda’s eyes; a longing for her lost sister. I wasn’t Christina Kline and hoped like hell I never would be again, but that longing in Brenda’s eyes guaranteed that she’d do everything in her power to turn me back into the sister she remembered me being. If Malcolm didn’t give my memory back, she’d look for another way and another and another, until something worked.

If Brenda had her way, I’d never be free of them, not really. I’d remember everything about Christina’s life with the Tremere and I knew there was a good chance that she’d liked it. It didn’t matter what I wanted, and deep down I knew it never had mattered to the Tremere. I just had to learn how to deal with it and move on with my life as best I could. I’d spend the time I had to spend with the Tremere studying what they told me to study with who they told me to learn from, but I’d spend every moment praying that I’d never be one of them.

But none of that mattered, not really. I’d agreed to spend six months with the Tremere, and I couldn’t go back on my word no matter how badly I wanted to. I’d spent my time at the chantry and with or without my memory, the moment it was over I’d go back to where I hoped I’d still belong. I wondered if Victoria really would respect my wishes if I still chose to walk away from the clan.


	6. Victoria’s Trophy

_I’ll show you how it’s done_   
_You learn to love the pain you feel_   
_ Garbage – Queer_

OVER THE NEXT few nights I managed to mostly avoid Brenda as she was tied up with Zach, though I saw a lot of Antonio and Victoria. The boys weren’t around much, but I did see them at least once a night, barely enough to reassure myself that they were fine.

I found that I was remembering things about Antonio and even some about Brenda, little things from Christina’s life. None of the memories were remarkable in any way, but that just made them harder to take. I didn’t want to think that she’d had a normal life with them, I wanted to believe she’d been grossly unhappy, but that wasn’t the way I was remembering it.

Victoria and Antonio began my training, but some nights went better than others. Sometimes I felt like I knew exactly what they were talking about and could do what they explained with little effort, while others I had a hard time producing even the simplest results. Those nights left me frustrated and angry, but there was no outlet for my anger. I couldn’t even go out to see the stars without Brenda following me like a puppy dog.

Victoria announced that Friday evening I would be accompanying her and Antonio to dinner with the prince. I’d have preferred to go with the boys to the pub, as those where their plans for the night, but I knew I had no choice.

Shortly after the boys left for their first night of freedom there was a knock on the door. It seemed that Victoria had instructed several of the house ghouls to help me prepare for the evening, and while I wanted to tell them I could dress myself, I let them in. It was just as well that I did, as they didn’t approve of what I’d planned on wearing.

An hour later, dressed in a beautiful gown they had provided, perfumed, powdered and curled to their satisfaction, I met Victoria and Antonio in the hall. While the countess didn’t say anything about how I looked, she seemed pleased. Once in the car, Antonio told both of us how nice we looked, behaving in every way like the gallant gentleman I could barely remember.

Looking out the window I wondered if the boys had made it to the pub yet and who was waiting for them there. In my mind I pictured the pack gathered at one end of the bar and spilling over onto several nearby tables, Howard engrossed in his laptop, Emily flirting with Frasier, Maggie sitting close to Petor, Scott silently watching everyone and the entire room, Madelynne and Logan talking with all of them.

Antonio wanted to discuss my progress in the car, so I forced myself to turn away from the window and focus on what he was saying. It had become obvious over the last week that he wanted me to do well and expected me to work hard. We talked for a while about how I could improve my performance until the car pulled up to the prince’s house.

To my surprise, we weren’t the only ones who had been invited to dinner. Paul Racine, the Toreador primogen, was waiting inside, as was Raquel Le Blanc, the Ventrue primogen and the prince’s Kindred sister.

Though I couldn’t be sure, I was nearly certain that I was there as a show of Victoria’s power, of her victory over me. While the last thing I wanted was to be part of any power play she had in mind, I had no choice but to smile and behave.

Knowing that I was the lowest ranked Kindred in the room I would have stayed completely in the background, if I could have. Unfortunately, Antonio kept me at his side, and it seemed that Paul had taken some sort of interest in my welfare.

“And how are you finding our countess’ hospitality?” Paul asked Antonio and me after a few minutes of small talk.

While I was inclined to like the Toreador primogen mostly because he’d helped Madelynne out, I wasn’t sure how to answer him. I couldn’t honestly say I liked it at the chantry, but I didn’t want to lie either. In the end I let Antonio answer.

“As always, Victoria is a gracious hostess,” he said with a smile. “I am happy to have the opportunity to spend time within the city once again.”

Paul nodded before looking at me. “And how are you finding her House?”

“I would agree with _Seňor_ Moreno that the countess is a wonderful hostess,” I said carefully, “and I find her home quite beautiful.” It wasn’t a lie; it was as close to the truth as I was willing to get while I was staying with the Tremere.

He held my look for a long moment as if he knew my answer was an evasion, but thankfully he didn’t call me on it. “And your servants, they are comfortable as well?”

“They seem to be adjusting to the transition well enough,” I said reluctantly.

“That is good,” he replied with a slight smile. “One’s servants’ happiness can sometimes be as important as one’s own happiness.”

I found myself smiling back, the first genuine smile that I’d felt on my face since I’d made my deal with Victoria. “I have found that to be true,” I agreed. “It certainly makes life easier for all concerned.”

He smiled knowingly. “Yes.”

The conversation fell to small talk at that point, at least until the prince made his entrance, and after he had greeted everyone, he led us into the banquet hall. Miguel and Jac were in attendance, along with several other Kindred I could guess were Toreador and Ventrue. Fourteen of us sat down at the table, while Cassidy and his Casilde remained standing at the prince’s back.

The meal went well, surprisingly enough, though it became clear early on that Ferdinand, the prince’s sire was a bit unbalanced. From what I could tell, Jac was the man’s handler for the evening, and wasn’t much happy about the fact. To my surprise, Antonio engaged Ferdinand in conversation, keeping him occupied so that Jac could enjoy himself.

I had the opportunity to talk to Sean Gaines, the sire of the Toreador Frasier was dating. He seemed to disapprove of most things Nancy did, even dating Frasier, but I got the impression it was because he was a lot more set in tradition than the modern customs that his childe had adopted.

As pleasant as the evening had been, I still found myself sinking back into the seat of the limo in relief as it pulled away from the prince’s house. The long hours we’d spent there had made me feel as if I were on display, and I hoped Victoria wouldn’t make a habit of showing off her new pet Tremere.


	7. Nighttime Visits

_Hey now_   
_Can’t you feel me longing?_   
_ Poe – Hey Pretty _

THE FOLLOWING EVENING, I had a hard time concentrating on my studies. It was Saturday, the night of my first visit with the pack, with my friends and lover. Even the knowledge that it would be supervised couldn’t darken my spirits. For six hours I’d be free again, or at least as free as I was going to get until I’d done my time with the Tremere.

I’d been informed that the prince expected me to be at his residence by nine o’clock, an hour before the visit was to begin. I spent the usual few minutes checking in with the boys, but the meeting was a lot less rushed than usual. It wasn’t that I didn’t have as much to say or to ask, but more that I knew they’d be part of the visit tonight with the pack, so I knew I’d be able to talk to them later.

One thing I did ask about was their visit to the pub the night before. Their training was progressing smoothly, which meant they were beginning to have free time to spend as they wished. From what they said, their visit had gone well.

We left the chantry with plenty of time to arrive at the Frenchman’s house on time. The boys followed me in the SUV, as did an escort of clan ghouls on crotch rockets. We were halfway to our destination when I realized that I had another escort.

Stopped a few cars behind us at a light was the biker that had been following me off and on for the last few months. I’d never really gotten a good look at whoever it was, never even really gotten a good look at the motorcycle they were riding.

As we waited for the light to turn, I pulled out my cell phone and called Frasier, as Petor was driving. When I asked if he saw the motorcycle a car length behind him, I could see him turn to look in my rear-view mirror.

“I don’t see a motorcycle,” he told me. “Just the crotch rockets of the other ghouls.”

“Can Petor see it?” I asked anxiously. I wasn’t surprised to hear that Petor couldn’t see it either. I would have thought I was going crazy if Scott hadn’t seen the biker too. The way whoever it was appeared and disappeared at will, I knew they had to be using magic. Suddenly I wondered if the mysterious biker was Malcolm, keeping an eye on me until he needed me for whatever task Brenda was sure he had for me.

“All right,” I told Frasier thoughtfully. “We’ll deal with it later. Thanks.”

As I hung up the phone, I wondered what if anything I should say to the Tremere about the biker who was probably tied to Malcolm in some way, if it wasn’t Malcolm himself. I glanced away from the mirror to accelerate away from the light, and when I looked back, the biker was gone.

We arrived at the prince’s without anything else happening. The clan ghouls followed us up the drive but waited by their bikes while we went inside. Cassidy’s boys met us at the front door, and I’d dealt with them enough in the past to mean the smile of greeting I gave them.

After some polite chit chat, they led us into the house, into the library where the prince was waiting. As they left, the boys and I greeted him with all due respect. The Frenchman quickly dispensed with the small talk and got right down to business.

“I agreed to inspect you and your ghouls for signs of mind alteration by the Tremere,” he reminded me, “and that is what you are here for at this time.”

I nodded thankfully. “We are at your disposal, my lord. Simply tell us what you want us to do to help you.”

He stood and approached me. “Hold still.”

I looked into his eyes as I felt his power begin to build. I was certain it was Dominate, but I had nowhere near the kind of power with that discipline that I could feel thrumming through my mind. While a part of me protested at so willingly allowing anyone that far into my mind, let alone Victoria’s lover, this was the prince. To protest was to invite the kind of punishment I might not survive.

It was over relatively quickly, in any case, leaving me feeling none the worse for wear. Once he was through with me, he moved to each of my boys, looking deep into each of their eyes for less time than he’d done with me before turning to me once more.

“None of you have been tampered with,” he announced firmly.

“Thank you for taking the time to check,” I said respectfully.

“I gave you my word I would.”

I nodded, choosing not to comment on that. I knew that insisting on this little check up could be considered childish, but if I hadn’t insisted on it, I’d have had no idea what the Tremere had done to my mind. “May I ask who will chaperone my visit with the Gangrel this evening?”

“Your visit will take place in my house,” he told me. “No further ‘chaperone’ will be needed.”

Hiding the surprise, I felt wasn’t easy, but somehow, I managed as I thanked him again. “I apologize if this visit will be an inconvenience for you, but I do appreciate your generosity.”

“It is no trouble,” he said dismissively. “I have set aside a few rooms for your use.”

A word called Cassidy’s boys back in, and they led us into a parlor of sorts, one that had several doors leading off it. There was ample seating in the main room, and somewhat more private areas in the smaller rooms off it. One even had accommodations for a more relaxed visit, which is to say that it held a bed.

“Will you be chaperoning the visit?” I asked the boys after seeing the bedroom.

“We’ve been assigned to ensure the reunion does not get out of hand,” Alec told me. He seemed to be the spokesperson for the boys, or at least he was the most outspoken. “But we won’t over see any of the more… personal reunions.”

I might have blushed if I’d been human, but I had to remember that it was public knowledge I was sleeping with Scott. I’d been under the impression that I wouldn’t be allowed any private time with any member of the pack, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to argue that point with Alec.

At almost straight up ten o’clock the entire pack showed up. While Cassidy’s boys greeted Logan and were greeted in turn, they kept to themselves. It was easy to forget for long minutes at a time that we didn’t have an audience.

I was a bit nervous at first with the others, mostly because given the way that Madelynne had behaved before I’d gone to the Tremere. She’d seemed quite sure that they’d do something to make me turn against the pack, though she’d been comforted by the idea that the prince would monitor my mental state for any coercion.

To my relief everyone was happy to see me and the boys. I hugged all of them, saving Scott for last so I could hold on to him a bit longer. We moved into one of the side rooms that had more comfortable furniture. I sat between Scott and Emily on the couch, as close to my lover as I could get without climbing onto his lap.

I did notice that Logan was a bit wary at first, watching and weighing my every action. I knew he was the oldest in the pack, knew that he’d be the most cautious about anything unusual that I did, but he relaxed after I started mothering everyone, trying to make sure they were okay in my absence.

While no one asked anything about my experience with the Tremere, I could tell it was on everyone’s mind. Determined not to let the clan intrude on my time with the people I considered family, I did my best to relax and enjoy the evening without thinking about how I’d have to go back when the night was over.

I’d known that Petor and Frasier wanted to leave early, as they had training first thing in the morning. They left a little after one in the morning, agreeing patiently that they’d be careful and look out for the biker I’d seen earlier. I wasn’t quite surprised when Maggie went with them as she’d hardly left Petor’s side all evening.

When the boys were gone, I told the rest of the pack about my mysterious stalker.

“How many times have you seen them since you went to the Tremere?” Madelynne asked, obviously concerned.

“Well, since this is the only time, I’ve been out of the chantry....” I replied dryly. Looking between her, Logan and Scott, I added, “I think it might be Malcolm, or someone connected to Malcolm. Brenda talked to him before she came here and apparently there’s something he wants me to do for him.”

Logan seemed surprised. “Like what?”

“I think....” I hesitated a moment, not sure this topic was considered clan secrets. In the end I decided that I didn’t really know any secrets the clan knew about Malcolm, so it was safe enough for me to speak. “I think maybe kill him.”

“Why would you kill him after you supposedly abandoned everyone and everything to save him?” Madelynne asked.

“Something to do with the Trimuritive, I’m not really sure,” I told her. “I do know I’m not going to kill anyone just to make the Tremere happy, or Brenda for that matter.” I couldn’t keep the distaste from my voice, but thankfully here among friends I didn’t have to.

Logan gave me a speculative look. “Why do you think that?”

“Malcolm is the Trimuritive, and Brenda seems to think his time is almost up,” I replied a bit sadly. “I guess she handed over her nephew to him, which amazes me because she hates Malcolm.”

“Maybe she thinks she’ll have more pull with the Trimuritive if it’s her nephew,” Madelynne suggested.

“Maybe.” Or maybe she just wanted my memory back that bad, though I didn’t state my theory out loud. One of us worrying about what would happen if I got my memory back was enough. I didn’t want Scott or any of the rest of the pack to have to worry about something that might never happen. “All I know is that every time I step outside the chantry, she follows me like a puppy.”

No one seemed to have anything to say to that, and I really didn’t have any more to add. I could bitch for a while about the Tremere, but it wouldn’t do anyone any good. Part of me felt that if I kept talking about Malcolm with them, I would be giving up clan secrets, something I’d sworn not to do. In the end I simply put my head on Scott’s shoulder and trying not to think about the Tremere at all.

We spent the next few hours talking about a lot of different things. It wasn’t quite the same as being at the pub, but I knew that until my time was over it was as good as it was going to get. It was enough that they still accepted me as their friend, that they’d all come to spend time with me, that they still made me feel welcomed.

At a signal from Madelynne near two o’clock, all of them began to say their goodbyes. Only Scott remained silent, telling me without words that he planned to stay until our time was up. A part of me didn’t want to see the rest of them go. Watching them leave brought the end of the night that much closer, but on the other hand it left me alone with Scott.

We could have stayed where we were, cuddling on the couch with Cassidy’s boys obviously not paying attention to what we said or did. I knew Scott wouldn’t have said anything, and that he may not have cared either way, but I’d been away from him a week and I wanted to be closer than I was willing to get there on the couch. I led my lover into the bedroom and closed the door.

When the time came, I couldn’t bear to watch him leave. I clung to him for a long moment, knowing that the closeness we’d shared this evening would have to hold me over until the next time we could be together. One last kiss and he walked out, leaving me alone to finish dressing and repair my hair and makeup.

When I came out of the room, one of Cassidy’s boys told me that the prince wanted to see me. He led me to the prince’s study and showed me inside before leaving us alone.

The Frenchman gestured that I should sit, and when I had, he said, “Now then, Miss Andrews, we are alone as opposed to a dinner party. In your own thoughts, how are things going with the Tremere?”

I thought about that for a long moment before I answered. “I have found the Tremere to be neither monsters nor friends,” I told him in a neutral voice. “I am not mistreated, nor do I feel welcomed. Most of my time is taken up with training or research and I rarely see my boys.” I smiled wryly. “It’s much as I expected it would be.”

“But not as you had feared?” he inquired.

I took a moment to think about that question as well. I had been afraid of going to the chantry, afraid of feeling at home there. Thankfully that hadn’t happened. “In some ways, no, not as I’d feared, at least not yet.”

“Yet,” he repeated with a slight smile. “And how was your visit with the Pack?”

This time the smile on my face felt genuine. “It was very good, thank you for letting us use your home.”

“It was my pleasure,” he assured me. “Are there any concerns you would like to voice before returning to House and Clan?”

“I have plenty of concerns, sire, but nothing that you need to be troubled with at this point.” He raised his eyebrow at that, prompting me to add, “It’s not exactly fun at the chantry, sire, at least not for me, but I knew how it would be, and to complain about it now would be... childish. If it were anything more than my discontent at being in this situation, I would tell you.”

The answer seemed to satisfy him. “And how are your ghouls taking to their new life?”

“I’m not entirely sure,” I said honestly. “I haven’t really spent enough time with them to know, but from what I saw tonight, they seem to be adjusting.”

There wasn’t much more for either of us to say. He bid me goodnight, and I headed out, back to the chantry with my escort of clan ghouls to make sure I didn’t go astray.

After checking to make sure that my ghouls had gotten back to the chantry safely, I went to my room. Not long after I settled down to my studies, there was a knock on my door. I opened it to find Antonio standing there, looking quite dapper in his old-fashioned suit.

“I thought that I would stop by to see how your visit went,” he said pleasantly.

While it wasn’t the first time we’d been alone, it was the first time he’d come to my room. I took a step back and tried not to hide behind the door as I answered him as politely as I could manage. “It went well, thank you, _Seňor_.” I could tell by the look on his face that he didn’t like me being so formal with him. Maybe he thought I’d behave differently while we were alone, but that just wasn’t going to happen.

“That is... good,” he said slowly, his accent a bit heavier than normal. He slipped his hands into the pocket of his jacket and added, “I trust that all your friends are well?”

“As well as can be expected, given the circumstances.” I glanced back into the room, thankful that I’d been keeping it neat. In my head I knew that he wasn’t my sire, but something about the man made me not want to disappoint him and keeping an elder of the clan standing in the hall was one sure way to do that. “Would you like to come in?” Thankfully my voice showed none of my reluctance, thought I couldn’t help some of my hesitation coming through.

He smiled and entered slowly as if he had all the time in the world. He looked about the room taking everything in before turning back to look at me. With a stifled sigh I closed the door knowing I couldn’t avoid the talk I’d been dreading any longer.

“Did Frasier and Petor have a nice visit as well?” he queried.

“Yes, I believe they did.” There was no sense in giving him more information than he asked for. Christina might have trusted him, but I didn’t, not really, even though the part of my mind that remembered Antonio told me I was being a fool. I didn’t know if I was being a bigger fool to be alone with him. I didn’t know if he’d follow the countess’ promise not to try and bend my mind, yet I couldn’t exactly tell him to go away. I’d sworn to give my full cooperation while I was at the chantry, and full cooperation didn’t mean arguing with the man Victoria had chosen as a teacher for me.

I’d only been at the chantry for a week and already I’d had more than enough of the politics and pretenses that went along with being Tremere. None of them had hurt me, this was true, but the only friends I had in this house were my ghouls. Brenda and many of the others had made it quite clear that I wasn’t welcome here, though to his credit, Antonio had done the most of anyone save Victoria herself to make me feel at home.

In fact, it was Antonio’s agreement with Victoria that had put my return to the clan in motion, his need for me to be Tremere once again that had torn me from the one place I felt safe. If he hadn’t told the clan to bring me in, if he hadn’t made whatever deal he’d made with the countess, Alex would still be alive.

Antonio had been studying me closely while I’d let my mind wander. “Do I make you uncomfortable, my dear?” he asked quietly, thought I could tell the idea bothered him.

I smiled wryly, not quite sure that I was right to feel uncomfortable under his gaze. “Why do I feel like apologizing for that?”

He shrugged slightly. “That I cannot answer, my dear, your emotions are yours and you should not have to apologize for them.” He paused for a moment, his head tilted slightly as he continued to study my face. “May I ask why?”

To buy a little time before answering, I turned and walked to the desk, straightening the notebook I’d been looking through. It helped my nerves to hide my face from him, but I knew I couldn’t really hide how I felt, not from an elder of the Tremere clan. “I’m not sure. I guess I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“Other shoe?” I could hear the frown in his voice. “What do you mean?”

It was my turn to shrug. I kept my face turned away, not wanting him to see the bitterness I could feel on my features. Brenda had read me the riot act over Jason more than once, and Paige’s blunt assumption of my character still stung, yet Antonio had avoided any mention of either since coming to Detroit. He’d seemed happy enough to have me back with the clan, happy enough to teach me what I’d so thoroughly forgotten. “Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe the fact that I’m here is enough for you.”

He frowned. “Enough? What are you talking about?”

“It’s—” How could I explain the deep ache I felt every time I sat in the same room with him? How could I explain how I weighed every word he spoke to see if it was the one that would cut me to the bone? How could I tell him that after the freedom of the pack being in the chantry was torture and that I blamed him for it? I couldn’t tell him, couldn’t explain, I didn’t have the words to force past the bitterness that filled me. “It just seems that the only thing you want from me is that I learn,” I said awkwardly. “I sort of expected—I don’t—I don’t know how to explain it.”

He took his hands from his pockets and crossed them over his chest. His gazed seemed heavier than before, as if he was trying to look into my soul. I prayed that it was beyond his abilities.

“And what else could I possibly want from you?” he asked slowly. “What more could I want then for you to come back to us? Tina, you have been through some… trying times,” he said as he moved toward me slowly, “but no matter what you have always held the best interest of others ahead of your own. My only wish is for you to be whole again, or at the very least, as whole as you can be.”

There was that other shoe I’d been looking for. Antonio was just like everyone else from Christina’s life. Tina Andrews would never be enough for them. The only thing that would make any of them happy was Christina coming back from the dead. I couldn’t bring her back even if I wanted to, and believe me, I didn’t want to.

They had all loved Christina so much, it hurt me to see that look in their eyes, that sad hopeful look that she’d come back to them. I was tired of arguing with them, tired of defending my very right to exist without her shadow hanging over me. I steeled myself to do the only thing I could do and still keep my word to the countess that I’d cooperate to the best of my ability.

I turned to look at him, my face carefully composed. “Of course, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t—” Stopping myself before I said something I’d regret, I added, “It’s been a long night.”

He sighed and smiled slightly. “Yes, I’m sure that it has.” He pulled a pocket watch from his brocade vest and checked the time. “The sun will be up soon, and I wanted to check on Brenda before retiring.”

There were a lot of things I could say to that, but none of them were nice or polite. I could hear the coldness in my voice as I replied but I couldn’t stop it. “Of course.”

I knew he was satisfied with my behavior when he slipped the watch back into his pocket and walked toward me. I stood very still as he placed a fatherly kiss on my cheek. “Good night then.”

“Good night,” I echoed emotionlessly. As the door closed behind him, I sank down in the desk chair, unsure that my legs would support me.

It hadn’t seemed hard, talking to Christina’s sire, but it had taken more out of me than I’d thought possible. Earlier I’d had my memories of Scott and the pack shinning bright in my mind to help me get through the rest of the night, but now those memories were tarnished by memories of Christina’s life, memories of her sire.

How could I be me, Tina Andrews, when I had Christina Kline’s memories and emotions clouding my thoughts? How could I believe I was part of the pack when everything I remembered showed quite plainly that I was Tremere?

It didn’t help that I hated the clan, resented every moment I spent at the chantry and away from the people I loved. And yet those memories that kept haunting me spoke of love too, of respect and friendship that had been forged long before Tina Andrews had sprung forth from the ashes of Christina Kline’s life.

I didn’t know what to think, who to trust. Hell, I couldn’t even trust myself, not with the holes in my memory. And I didn’t trust what I’d be like if I did end up getting my memory back. I didn’t want to lose Scott, or the friendships I’d built in the pack, but I couldn’t guarantee I’d feel the same way if Christina Kline emerged whole from the depths of my mind.

Tears stained my pillow as I waited for dawn to bring the darkness that was the only answer to my fevered thoughts.


	8. Seeking an End

_It’s so hard for me to face_   
_That it has to end this way_   
_ 98°– Yesterday’s Letter _

THOUGH THE NEXT few nights weren’t as angst ridden as I’d feared, I still resented every moment I spent at the chantry. Brenda and I limited our selves to civil topics of conversation and what little free time I had I spent in the library so I didn’t have to suffer her polite façade.

The boys continued with their training. Somehow the Tremere found out that Petor had access to magic, but their reaction wasn’t what I’d thought it would be. They had him demonstrate what he could do, of course, and began working on teaching him a bit more control, but they didn’t put him under a microscope as I’d feared they would.

In fact, the only thing that was as bad about being in the chantry as I’d feared it would be was how much I missed the pack, how much I missed Scott. Six hours had been no where near long enough with the people I cared about, and somehow the time Scott and I had alone didn’t help nearly as much as I’d have thought it would.

A few nights after my visit with the pack, I found myself alone with Victoria after an in-depth lesson. Before I could think better of it, I asked her a question that had been burning in the back of my mind since the night Antonio had come to my room.

“Countess, who would I need to talk to in order to find a lawyer to handle my divorce?”

She studied me carefully. “The clan could make that happen,” she assured me. “How long were you married?”

I couldn’t help but wonder just what it would cost me to let the clan help me get free of Jason, but now wasn’t the time to ask. “Almost a year, before I came to Detroit.”

“Do you think Jason will contest the divorce?”

“I doubt it,” I replied with a sad smile. “According to Brenda, he’s already over it.”

“Then it should not be a problem,” she said firmly. “I will arrange a meeting for you with Trevor so you may start your paperwork.”

Quickly hiding the wince that had crossed my face, I resolved to deal with the man who gave me the creeps every time I saw him. The countess didn’t know that, of course, and if he was the one I needed to get the divorce I hoped would break me free of Christina’s love for Jason, I’d deal with him willingly. “Thank you. I appreciate the help on this.”

I knew I was dismissed when she looked down at her paperwork, but there was one more thing I needed to tell her. It was another subject I’d debated bringing up, but in the end, I knew it had to be said. “Something... odd has been happening lately. I wouldn’t even mention it, but it could be connected to the Trimuritive.”

She looked up with interest. “Oh?”

“Someone’s been following me on a motorcycle,” I told her. “I can’t get a good look at them, can’t even tell if it’s male or female. One second they’re there, and the next they’re gone, disappeared.”

“Have they attacked or tried to contact you?” she inquired, “or do they simply follow you?”

“They’ve just followed me,” I admitted. “Every time I’ve tried to talk to them, they’ve disappeared. Apparently not everyone sees them either. My ghouls didn’t see them when they followed us the night of my visit to the prince.”

She peaked her fingers and let them rest against her chin. “Allow me to think on this for a night or two and I will talk more with you.”

“Of course.” I turned toward the door, then hesitated and turned back to her. “You should know that this has been going on for the last few months.”

“Interesting,” she murmured, almost as if to herself.

“It may not be related to the Trimuritive,” I told her, “but with the news that Malcolm is still interested in me, I thought it best to mention it.”

“Very good,” she told me absently. “Yes. I will think on it.”

I made my excuses and went on to my next lesson, trying not to feel like I’d just sold Malcolm out to the clan. I was also worried about visiting Trevor and the City Chantry, but if that was what I had to do to be free of Jason, I would do it gladly.

The next evening the countess told me that she had set up a meeting for me on Friday evening with Trevor. I buried my concerns and readied myself for the meeting by gathering all the paperwork I had on my business and belongings, including those in Christina’s name. I didn’t really know what I needed, but I gathered everything I had just to be sure.

When the boys came by just after sundown the evening of my appointment, I told them what I was going to do. Petor seemed unimpressed, but then again, he never really seemed concerned with my decisions. Frasier started to grin but caught himself and simply warned me to be careful.

“Of the chantry, or the divorce?” I asked softly.

He thought for a moment before replying. “Yes.”

Since I’d already known I had to be careful, there was no real reason to ask for details, and anyway the boys were on their way out the door before I thought to ask.

Victoria had told me what time to meet the driver she was going to assign, and I walked out of the building only mildly surprised to find Brenda standing by her car, dressed to the nines in a tailored suit. It made me feel like to poor cousin even though I had to admit that Christina’s business wear was nearly as high quality as Brenda’s.

I glanced around to make sure no one else was waiting for me just in case, but when I saw that the only other person waiting outside was one of the house ghouls near a motorcycle, I knew she was to be my chaperone. Determined to make the best of it, I smiled politely as I approached her. “I take it you’re to accompany me to the city chantry?”

She nodded slowly. “Yes, the countess asked that I go with you. I hope that’s all right?”

“Of course.” I was getting tired of that phrase, but I was getting good at saying it with little or no emotion in my voice. “Shall we?” When she nodded, I walked around the vehicle and got into the passenger’s seat.

After buckling her seat belt, she started the car and began driving away from the chantry. The house ghoul’s motorcycle roared to life and pulled out after us, telling me that someone didn’t quite trust Brenda’s ability to keep an eye on me.

“Did you get a chance to see the boys this evening?” she asked once we were on the road.

“Briefly, yes,” I answered. “I haven’t seen very much of them since I came here.”

She sighed. “I haven’t seen much of Rafe, either. Thank God for the weekends away from the chantry when we get to the Gabe, too.” It was clear from her voice that those weekends were important to her, that they made being in Detroit a little easier for her to deal with.

Though I was jealous of her time away from the chantry, I tried to keep that from my voice when I replied. “I’m sure that’s nice for all of you.”

She glanced over at me. “I know that you don’t get the downtime that we do and I’m sorry,” she offered. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” I told her honestly. “You’re the good Tremere, I’m not. I understand that.”

She laughed ruefully. “Oh, I’m far from being the good Tremere,” she said dryly. “At least lately, anyway.” After clearing her throat, she glanced at me again. “The Countess told me about what you’re going to do. Are you okay with it?”

I looked at her, surprised she’d cared enough to ask. “The divorce?” I really wasn’t sure if I was okay with it or not. A part of me might love Jason, but that part wasn’t big enough to shut out my love for Scott, or my desire to be with him. If I didn’t love Jason enough to let him be the only man in my life, I had no business being married to him. Whether I was really okay with that or not would have to wait until I got my memory back, if I ever did, because only then would I remember how much I’d loved Jason, before.

I wasn’t even sure why I’d finally decided to begin divorce proceedings. Scott had never mentioned Christina’s marriage to Jason, and he’d certainly never mentioned anything about a divorce or about marrying me himself. Scott accepted me for what I was and never seemed to expect or even want me to change. That was something Jason didn’t seem capable of.

And yet, as much as I loved Scott, I’d never been able to get Jason completely out of my mind. I thought of him at odd moments, wondering how he was, worrying about him. More than that I held some of Christina’s memories, had felt just a portion of how much she’d loved him. I missed him now, with only a few memories to haunt me. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like if I ever remembered the entirety of their life together.

There was a small part of me that believed I would go running back to Jason when I got my memory back. I tried to suppress that little voice when it spoke up, but I’d never really been able to silence it. Perhaps I should have waited until my memory came back to talk about a divorce, but in my mind not divorcing Jason felt very much like keeping my options open. I knew that’s what Scott thought I was doing, but it was not what I wanted to do. I’d chosen Scott months ago, or rather I’d chosen not to give into Jason’s demands, which amounted to the same thing.

I’d made a few choices since waking in Detroit, some of them good, some of them not so good, but I had to live with all of them. For better or worse, Jason was no longer a part of my life. I hoped that the divorce would help me begin to put Christina’s past behind me, allow me to move on with my life without him. If it didn’t, I wasn’t sure what I would do.

Finally, I looked out at the road ahead of us and told Brenda the only truth I could. “I think it’s for the best.”

Once again, she cleared her throat nervously. “I agree.”

That caught me by surprise as well, and I wasn’t sure I could trust her easy agreement. “So, you’re okay with it?”

She nodded. “Yeah, it’s probably the best in the long run for both of you.”

“I’m glad you agree,” I told her, unable to keep the relief from my voice. “Did the countess say why she wanted you to go to the City Chantry with me?”

“She told me that there are some in the clan that may question your sudden return to the fold so to speak,” she admitted softly, “where your loyalties may lie. She asked me to help keep the peace.”

“I don’t blame them for questioning my loyalty, given the means of my return to the clan,” I murmured, adding in an undertone. “And the methods used to get me here.” Just thinking about Alex’s death was enough to rouse the slow burn of my anger. I knew it would take time for me to get retribution for his death, but some day I’d manage it, even if it took me decades.

“What does that mean?” she asked, interrupting my dark thoughts.

“Let’s just say that it would have worked a lot better if I’d been approached differently,” I told her. My voice turned dry, almost bitter, as I added, “You know, without threats, guns and Toreador Ninja.”

“I’m sure that there are many things that could have been done differently,” she admitted. “There’s no use worrying about it now though. What’s important is to move on and make the best of the opportunity you now have.”

With a wry smile, I said, “There’s not really any other option, not given my agreement with the countess. Too bad not every Tremere is happy that I’ve returned to the fold.”

“It’s all political,” she replied. “Don’t worry about that until you’ve got all your abilities back. I’ll run whatever interference needs to happen while we’re there.”

“I don’t think any amount of Thaumaturgy is going to help me with the politics, or with Trevor,” I drawled.

“Why do you say that?” she asked, nearly demanded. “Did something happen between the two of you?”

“No, not really,” I told her firmly. “He just—” I hesitated a moment, unsure of what exactly bothered me about Trevor Steele. “He kinda gives me the creeps.”

“Is he coming on to you?” she queried softly. “Making unwanted advances?”

“Nothing as overt as that,” I assured her. “If he had, I’d have probably shot him. He’s just...” I couldn’t really explain it, not without sounding foolish. “I’m probably overreacting.”

“Look, if there’s a potential issue that I need to run interference for then please let me be prepared here,” she urged. “I can’t help if I’m left in the dark.”

I sighed softly. “I had to go meet with the countess one night, and so did Madelynne,” I explained somewhat reluctantly. “I waited with some of the other Gangrel while Madelynne spoke to the countess, in a private room with Trevor and some of the Tremere. He didn’t really say anything to me, but he kept watching me. His aura....” My words picked up speed, almost tumbling out as if just speaking the words was taking a load off my chest. “It was like he was aroused by or at, or maybe because of me. He fed from one of the girls on hand while we were waiting, and he watched me the entire time. It was creepy. Every time I see him, he’s grinning his fool head off.” I shook my head, not sure I’d done the right thing to confide in her. “I’m probably overreacting.”

“Well, he won’t try anything if I’m with you,” she promised. “Theoretically, he won’t anyhow. We can deal with this. We’ll just have to be watchful. Both of us, okay?”

“Oh, I’m fairly certain I could take care of it myself, but my solution wouldn’t be... politically correct.” I looked over at her and tried to smile. “I appreciate the help.”

She hesitated a moment, as if she was going to ask something that she wasn’t sure I’d like. “Maybe we should practice our telepathic link in case we need it when we get there.”

She’d been right to hesitate. When I’d first awoken in Detroit, she and Antonio had used the mind link to contact me, and it had felt like an intrusion. I knew now that they had not meant it to be such, but I also knew that without iron control, they got more than simple conversation from my mind.

I swallowed my fear and looked over at her. “I really don’t know what we’re gonna be walking into here. There are... issues that might become a problem with more than just Trevor. The mind link might be a good idea.”

“Are you talking about Amy?” she asked quietly, splitting her attention between the road and my face.

Studying her thoughtfully, I wondered how much she knew about the City Chantry and its occupants. “What do you know about Amy?”

“The countess told me that she and Scott were involved.”

“What else did she tell you?” I asked carefully.

Her next words stunned me. “She told me about the rumors that Scott helped her get her position as head of the chantry by killing the previous one.”

“Must be a popular rumor.” It was probably the reason Paige was so disinclined to be pleasant to me when we were alone.

“It isn’t true then?” she asked.

“If it was true, why wouldn’t the countess have called for Scott’s head, or Amy’s?” I tried to keep my tone logical, but this was a dangerous area. If Victoria had mentioned Scott killing the old chantry leader, she must have a pretty good idea that he’d done it, and I didn’t want to give anyone confirmation that could mean my lover’s life.

“Easy, no proof.” She glanced over at me quickly. “So, is it true?”

“If the countess couldn’t come up with proof, how am I supposed to know?” I pointed out.

“Aren’t you sleeping with him?” Her tone made it clear that she wouldn’t believe I didn’t know the truth of the matter.

I laughed softly. “If you think sleeping with Scott means I know all his secrets, you need to think again. He’s not the most verbose person I know, especially when it comes to his past.” I looked over at her and felt the smile fade from my face. “Besides, as the entire clan is fond of pointing out, I’m Tremere. Why would he tell me if the rumors are true?” I looked back to the road and added sadly, “Hell, he still thinks I’m going to get my memory back and go running back to—” I cut my words off before I could give too much away.

We were silent for several long miles as I wondered where my head was. Brenda had made it clear what she thought of my relationship with Scott, and here I was telling her things I hadn’t even admitted to Madelynne. And yet, it felt familiar to confide in her, right somehow, as if she really were someone I could trust.

When I’d walked into the chantry I’d thought I could handle the next six months with only my ghouls for friends, but we were all so busy there I couldn’t spend the time I wanted to with them, the time I was used to spending with people I could share my thoughts and experiences with. Even the short visit with the pack had been frustrating because there was so much that I couldn’t tell them.

I blamed the returning memories for my sudden feelings of closeness to the woman next to me, but the truth was that talking with her, confiding in her, felt natural to me. I knew that she and Christina had been close, but I’d never really felt close to her myself until now. The fact that she didn’t really understand or approve of my actions didn’t seem to make a difference.

We’d driven miles through the darkened city before I spoke again. “It really doesn’t matter if the rumor is true or not. What matters is that someone thinks it is and is keeping the story alive.”

“I guess you’re right,” she admitted. “The main thing to remember is that if you see Amy, she will probably try to provoke you into doing something. You can’t let her goad you.” Then her voice sounded directly into my mind. _Well, I guess I should say that I can’t let her provoke you._

I closed my eyes briefly, trying to hold my shields in place while keeping my mind open to hers. _I’ve been working on that provocation thing._ I sent back to her. _I’ll try not to let her get to me._

_Good,_ she replied. _Just keep reminding yourself of that when someone is trying to push your buttons and we’ll get through this, okay?_

_I’m pretty sure I can handle Amy, and I know to expect problems from pretty much anyone Trem—_ I stopped the thought before I could complete it, changed it to something less likely to offend her, _at the City Chantry. I can keep my head. I must._

“And I’ll make sure you do,” she said aloud so quietly it was almost a whisper. It sounded very much like a vow.


	9. Setting Events in Motion

_These ghosts that haunt me_   
_They take me when they want me_   
_And some days are better than others_   
_ Trisha Yearwood – Some Days_

AS EXPECTED, THE Tremere ghoul followed us all the way to the chantry. Lori, a ghoul I’d met a few times before, met us at the door and asked us to follow her into the high-rise office building. We walked into a very modern office building, to one of the elevators which took us up. Upon leaving the elevator, we walked into a law office, past the receptionist, and into a large meeting room, where Lori asked us to have a seat.

“Mr. Steele will be right with you,” she assured us. “Would you like some refreshment while you wait?”

Both Brenda and I declined, and she gave us a slight bow before leaving us to ourselves.

“Do you have everything you need?” Brenda asked as we sat down.

I shrugged. “Honestly I have no idea. I brought everything I had on the marriage, but I’m not sure. I’m a little concerned about what complications will stem from it having been performed out of the country.”

Before we could say anything more, Trevor Steele entered followed by an assistant. Behind them was something that looked very much like a large bulldog, if a bulldog were made of stone. Its feet made a faint grinding noise as it padded across the floor to sit behind the chair that was obviously Trevor’s.

Perched on the lawyer’s shoulder was another creature, one that looked very much like tiny, thin dragon and was also made of stone. Trevor walked toward us, resting his hand on the table long enough for the creature to scamper down. For a moment the room was filled with the sound of rock on glass as it found a place to sit on the table.

For a moment I was reminded of the beings that had stolen a captive Gangrel from the agency and wondered if Trevor had been involved in that incident. Petor had been injured, and Scott had suffered very serious wounds from a Kindred who had once been his ghoul. While these creatures didn’t look like the ones we’d seen on the surveillance tapes, it was quite possible that Trevor had been involved. Missy had certainly been, as she’d shown up only minutes after we’d subdued the intruders, and while we had been busy dealing with her, gargoyles had taken our captive.

Trevor was smiling a bit too politely at Brenda and me, and there was a look in his eyes that told me he was sizing us up. Whether he was sizing us up for business, a fight, or something else, I couldn’t tell. I suppressed a shiver of unease when his smile turned genuine.

I’d seen Trevor before, and I took a moment to introduce Brenda and myself. It was clear that the man was of Hispanic descent, but he was not old-world Hispanic as Antonio and Zach were.

“Ladies,” he greeted us warmly, kissing the backs of our hands in turn. “It was truly a pleasurable surprise when our Countess called and told me you had need of my services.” He gestured for us to sit once more, as we’d come to our feet when he’d entered. Once we were all seated, including his assistant, he said, “Now then, down to the business at hand, shall we?”

“Yes, of course,” I said firmly. “I’m sure the countess has told you what it is I’d like to do?”

“Yes, it is fortunate that you did seek to keep this in the clan,” he told me. “It was an odd arrangement and one that would surely have drawn undue examination. Now then, there are a few different options we can pursue.”

His assistant pulled a stack of papers out of his briefcase and began handing them over to the lawyer.

“Hmm, yes,” Trevor murmured as he read. A few minutes later he looked up. “We actually can fight the grounds of marriage, as it took place outside of the country, but that would leave us to still dissolve the civil bindings. And Jason could fight us on it if he so chose.”

“Isn’t there some sort of no-fault law that would make this simple,” I asked, “or does the fact that the marriage took place in Austria complicate matters?”

“It all really depends on how much Jason fights this,” he replied. “We can argue that as it was out of the country that it is only legal in said country. We can file for an annulment on one of several grounds. Or we can kill Christina Kline. Again, it is really the civil side that will prove the most difficult.”

“I don’t believe that he will fight the divorce,” Brenda offered. “Just let me know what he needs to do and I’m sure that I can get him to co-operate.”

“The best thing for him to do as far as we stand is to simply sign the paperwork and let it go.”

“How hard would an annulment be to arrange?” I asked.

“No harder than anything else,” he said with that smile on his face as he continued to watch us intensely.

I shot a glance toward Brenda before I told him, “I understand Jason was very religious prior to the marriage. I think an annulment might make this easier for him in the long run.”

“Of course, you should do what you want,” she conceded. “I was only suggesting that I could help expedite matter along with Jason. I’m not sure what kind of contact the church or government might want with him concerning an annulment and right now he’s not approachable. It would work better if Talon or I talked to him and had him sign necessary paperwork.”

I hesitated a moment, then opened my mind to hers. _I want to do whatever will be easiest for him._

She met my eye as she replied, _Then let me or Talon talk to him. I can call Talon after we’re done here._

_It is impolite to mind speak in front of others._

I started as I heard Trevor’s voice in my mind, and from Brenda’s reaction she heard it too. She smiled slightly in his direction as I said, “I apologize. As I’m sure you’re aware, I do not remember the etiquette involved in using Tremere abilities among the clan.”

After glancing at Brenda, I added, “Perhaps we should wait a day or so before deciding which route to go. Jason may have a preference. In the meantime, you mentioned the civil proceedings several times. Do you think that there will be a problem in that area?”

“It will take much time anyway, but if you wish to wait and come back to see me later, who am I to protest,” he said pleasantly. “The problem will depend on how much, if any, mutual property the two of you have.”

Besides the fact that I didn’t want to see him any more than I had to, I didn’t really want to postpone the proceedings now that I’d finally started them. “I think a delay would only make things worse in the long run.” I turned to Brenda for a moment. “Perhaps you could take a moment to call Talon now. We may still have to wait for an answer, but perhaps he would be able to get back with us before we’re done here.”

She nodded and stood, walking to a corner of the room as she pulled out her cell phone.

To Trevor, I said, “In the meantime, we can at least begin by making sure that you have all the information you need to begin whatever is decided. I brought some documents with me, but I wasn’t sure what you needed. I’m also not sure what mutual property Jason and I may have had, but I doubt it was much. Of course, I’d like to keep whatever is in my possession, but if there’s anything else I don’t want it.”

He began looking through the paperwork I’d brought with me. After a moment, he said, “You two really didn’t have any mutual property to speak of. You were married just over a year, your car is in your name and his is in his, as is all your other belongings. You lived with Brenda so there is no property.” He sighed and looked up at me. “Basically, you have everything that belongs to you right now, and he has everything that belongs to him. But that is not to say he can not fight for some of it, or for some of the wealth accumulating on and in your various accounts and investments.”

I stared at him in surprise. “Are you telling me that he could try to get part of the agency?”

“It was opened while you... Christina, was still married to him,” he reminded me. “If he wanted to, yes. However, the Countess has an interest in your business and has very good legal representation,” he added with a grin, “and I believe you have dealt a Ventrue of no small power a hand in your business as well did you not?”

“I believe the Ventrue have... an interest in the bank that funded the loan I took out for the agency.” I glanced at Brenda, who was still on the phone. I pondered bringing up the money that she’d told me of, but I couldn’t think of a way to do it without admitting that Howard had hacked into the accounts. “I would hope that between the Ventrue and the Countess’ interests in the business, I won’t have to give any part of it to Jason.”

He nodded. “That will depend first and foremost on weather Jason decides he wants a piece of the pie or not.”

I looked down for a moment, thinking furiously. Into the silence, I heard Brenda talking into her phone.

“I know,” she told the person on the other end, who I assumed to be Talon, “but I’m hoping that between the two of us, we’ll be able to reassure him that this is for the best.”

For a moment I thought about trying to listen to her conversation, but I knew it was probably a bad idea. I wondered if they could really talk Jason into agreeing to the divorce without raising any problems, but somehow, I didn’t think that was going to happen. “Let’s assume worst case scenario for a moment here,” I told Trevor. “How much could he get from the agency if he fought for it?”

“He could fight for half.”

“Half of the entire agency, or half of my share of it?” I asked.

“Total worth,” he said seriously, “as your debt to the Countess is only against what portion of the agency you own.”

Swearing softly in Russian I fought not to let the panic I felt building take over. “What are the chances we can stop him from getting it?”

Instead of answering, he turned to look expectantly at Brenda, who was off the phone and now sitting down next to me.

“Talon agreed to talk to Jason and explain the situation to him,” she told us. “He’s out on patrol right now but he plans on calling him in and I hope to hear back from him tonight.”

“Then we’ll wait yet for Jason,” Trevor murmured.

“Is there anything we can do to stop him from getting any part of the agency?” I asked softly, determined not to let that happen. “Maybe transfer it into someone else’s name?”

“Why don’t we wait for Jason’s reaction?” he suggested.

“He also mentioned something interesting,” Brenda put in. “I don’t know the law, but where Jason and Christina were married is a sovereign entity. Talon told me that Lady Lena Stockton has sole rule over the land. Would it be helpful and faster all around if you were to go through her?”

“If the Lady is the only one who can recognize the divorce than she is also the only one who recognizes the wedding and therefore it is not binding in this country,” he said logically.

“I don’t think that means a marriage performed there isn’t legal in other countries,” she said carefully, “but would it be faster to go through her for the divorce.” She shot me a questioning look. “She is a friend of Jason’s as well as yours.”

“That may be, but I doubt she’d do me any favors at this point,” I sighed. My only telephone conversation with Lena hadn’t gone well, but if it could help the situation, I’d try again. “If we do decide a straight-out divorce is the way to go, I’ll call her, but given Jason’s devotion to the church, I’d think he’d prefer the annulment.” I looked at Trevor once more. “I guess we wait for Jason.”

To my surprise, Trevor suggested faking Christina’s death, but for some reason Brenda reacted badly to the idea. I didn’t mind so much. In my mind, Christina Kline had died somewhere in Russia, saving her ex mentor and some time enemy along with the Verbena Magic. Or maybe I just wished that getting rid of Christina Kline could be that easy.

I searched Brenda’s face for a hint of what to do. “Would killing off Christina be enough for Jason? Would that end things for him, let him move on with his life?”

She shook her head sadly. “I don’t know. He would know that you’re not really dead so what difference would it make to him?”

While I’d hoped that she would answer differently, I’d known in my heart that she’d say exactly what she had. “That’s what I thought,” I said softly before looking back at Trevor. “I think we should focus on an annulment but be prepared for a divorce. We’ll leave death alone for now, unless... unless it looks like Jason’s going to get part of the agency. Maybe we should draw up a will just in case.”

We spent the next few hours filling out paperwork and answering all the questions Trevor had for me. I decided to leave everything to the boys, splitting the entirety of my estate between them. I still wasn’t sure killing Christina’s name was the best idea, but if Jason decided to fight the divorce, it was the only option I had.

It was after midnight before we had everything worked out. Once we got all the information gathered, Trevor told us that it would take about an hour to draw the final documents up. Brenda and I sat in the waiting room working on some of my disciplines while we waited.

Once I’d taken the time to center my thoughts, I looked at a pen on the table and did my best to focus on lifting it into the air. It did raise, but only a few inches and then immediately fell back to the table.

I couldn’t stop the frustrated growl that rose from my throat. “It’s always like this.”

“You’re trying too hard,” she told me. “Relax. Take a breath and try again.”

With a quick glance at her face, I looked back at the pen. Taking a moment to center my thoughts, I tried again. The pen rose in the air once more, a little higher this time, and levitated for a few seconds, but in the end, it fell back to the table as before.

A week ago, I’d hoped that I would pick everything back up right away, that I would prove to be such a good student that the countess would let me go early. I didn’t hope for that anymore. I hoped that I learned enough that she’d really let me go at the end of my six months.

“If I don’t get any better at this stuff,” I sighed crossly, “the countess is never gonna let me go.”

“You shouldn’t be worrying about getting out,” she scolded. “You’re supposed to be relearning what you knew. The timetable is going to be different from the first time around but it’s not a race. That’s probably what most of your hold up is, you’re pushing too hard. You need to let your mind rediscover what it already knows.”

I couldn’t help but laugh softly. “No, it is a race. I have six months to learn everything about Tremere magic and abilities that I knew before, and if I don’t try as hard as I possibly can to get it right, I don’t hold up my part of the bargain. I don’t know about you, but I’d hate to see what the countess would do if she thought I was reneging on our deal.”

“You’re trying too hard,” she pointed out again calmly. “You aren’t doing yourself any good if you’re tricking yourself out of doing what you’re here for.”

“Maybe you’re right.” I knew that trying too hard was nearly as bad as not trying at all. “I guess I’m doing the same thing you were doing when I tried to teach you Theft of Vitae. I just don’t know how to back off without backing off too much.”

She blinked in surprise. “You remember that?”

I looked at her, startled for a moment before I realized that I hadn’t told anyone at all I’d been remembering more things from Christina’s past since living in the Tremere chantry. “A little.”

Her eyes narrowed slightly. “Are you remembering more?”

“Some, here and there, mostly about you and Antonio.” I admitted with a sigh. “That ritual Cormac did, it seems to work more when I spend time with the people who participated.”

I wasn’t sure she believed me, but she did ask, “Did… did you have any questions about anything you’ve remembered?”

Memories didn’t do me much good if I didn’t verify them with someone, but the last time I’d tried to talk to her about the past she’d gone off on my completely. Hoping this time would be different, I said, “I hadn’t really thought about it. I mean, I remember pieces here and there, but... I don’t know.”

She studied my face as if I was something under a microscope she was trying to identify. “Okay. What kind of pieces?”

“Nothing real big, I don’t think,” I began. “Some things about training, but nothing that helps me now. And... a bar, I think, in Salem.”

“A bar?” she asked. “What was happening there?

“I don’t know, I can’t really remember too much of it,” I told her. “The bar had all kinds of dated paraphernalia, old artists and stuff. We were in a stairway, with our guns drawn. I think other people were with us, but I don’t know who.”

“Jesters,” she suggested. “Is that it?”

“Maybe, I don’t know.” I didn’t really remember the bar she spoke of, so I had no way of knowing that’s where we’d been. “I think—I think Cormac was there. Were the two of you... arguing, maybe?”

She grinned sheepishly. “You could say that. It’s what we did best, I think.”

“Well, he did have an attitude, what with the blood stain and the bitch in the chair,” I drawled, remembering more of the incident as we spoke of it. “Was... was Nina there too? And Eliza?”

“Oh, you’re talking about the alternate Salem we went to, aren’t you?” She nodded as if she didn’t need my answer to be sure she was right. “Yeah, they were all there.”

I frowned, trying to remember more. “Ja-I’ve heard about the alternate reality, but I really don’t know if that’s what I’m remembering, though I think, I think Micky was the bloodstain, so you’re probably right.”

“Yeah, that would be it then,” she nodded again. “That was a bad time for everyone.”

I walked back to the window and looked out at the lights of the city. “You accused me of forgetting everything I knew.” Her words still stung, even though that night had happened to another woman, not to me. “Of walking into the situation blind.”

She cleared her throat before answering. “I did. You rushed in without being cautious. We had no idea who or what was in there.”

“I think I just—I wanted to get back home,” I told her. I remembered that I’d wanted to get back to Jason. “And anyway, it was just Mac, and the others.”

“We were lucky that it was.”

“I’m sure you’re right.” I remembered the urgency I’d felt, the lack of control. “There are a few other things I’ve remembered, but that one’s the clearest.”

“Like what?” she asked hesitantly

Some of what I remembered was painful now, but it was better to meet that pain head on than to let it linger in the back of my mind. “I remember you helping me into my wedding dress.”

In the silence I thought about how I’d felt that night, how excited I’d been to put on the wedding dress, how anxious I was to see Jason again. I must have loved him to have wanted to be with him that badly. Once again, I wondered if I was doing the right thing, asking for a divorce.

“How much am I gonna regret this, when it’s over?” I asked softly.

Her voice was nearly as soft as mine. “Regret what?”

“Divorcing Jason.”

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “None of this has gone the way I’d hoped.”

I didn’t really have to ask what she’d hoped for. I kept looking out the window, telling myself over and over that I was doing the right thing for the right reasons, hoping I would remain myself long enough to get it done.

“Ultimately you are the only one that can make you happy and by the same token you are the only one to blame if you’re not,” she pointed out. “As far as the divorce goes, I still say that it’s for the best. Even if you remembered everything tomorrow, you and Jason are over. It’s best to do this now. Move on.”

“I know.” My voice was low, but somehow, I made it firm as if I was sure about what I was doing. “This has to happen, it’s the right thing, I know it is. I have a different life now, and Jason deserves a chance to be happy.”


	10. The End of an Era

_It is complete now, two ends of time are neatly tied_  
_A one-way street, she’s walking to the end of the line_  
_ Concrete Blonde – Tomorrow, Wendy _

The next few months passed in a blur of study parties and loneliness with the occasional visit with Scott and the pack to hold me over. Victoria saw to it that I worked hard to regain the abilities I’d lost with my memory, and eventually it became easier for me to perform to her exacting standards.

Memories continued to plague my dreams, and sometimes even my waking moments. Most of them were just snippets, moments of Christina’s life that flickered behind the screen of my eyes. Some were a bit longer, and those usually left me even more confused than the short flashes.

Antonio remained a solid presence, encouraging me to work my best even as he tried to be a father to me. Part of me enjoyed his attentions, but another part wouldn’t stop wondering why he was so insistent that I rejoin the Tremere family in my heart, as well as in body.

Over the long months of training I regained the feeling of respect that Christina seemed to have had for the man. I wasn’t sure if it was her memories of him coming forth or if I realized that he honestly wanted the best for me, but there it was.

To my relief, Jason didn’t try to fight the divorce. All he asked was that I give him the Glock M1911 pistol that had been my half of the wedding gift from Cormac. Despite Christina’s memories creeping into my mind, I had no emotional attachment to the weapon, and handed it, in its case, over to Brenda to return to him.

When the paperwork finally game through three months into my exile, I sat looking down at them for a long moment before I finally picked up a pen and signed them. I knew there was every chance that I’d regret divorcing the love of Christina’s life, but this was something I, Tina, had to do. With the divorce my official name returned to Christina Strong, but I continued to use the name Tina.

Visits with the pack were well enough to begin with, but over time they grew more and more uncomfortable. Logan seemed a little wary at first, but eventually he went back to treating me as one of the pack. He was one of the few that did. Madelynne seemed to assume I was never going to return to the pack, and eventually stopped coming to the meetings, though she blamed it on her own schedule and duties as primogen.

Although I loved spending time with Scott, every time I looked at him, I saw the same fear in his eyes, the fear that I had changed my mind about being with him. I tried to allay those fears as best I could, and news of the divorce certainly helped, but the nagging terror in the back of my mind that Malcolm might give me my memory back stopped any promises I may have made.

By the time two months had passed it was clear to everyone involved that no one was going to renege on the arrangement. Things started to relax for me at the chantry, and with that relaxation came progress in relearning my abilities. When the countess saw the results, she allowed me more freedom, though unfortunately that freedom did not extend to spending more time with Scott and the Pack.

It did, however, mean that I could spend more time with Frasier and Petor, and also with Brenda. She and I learned how to avoid topics that set each other off and became something like friends, though Rafe seemed to loathe even the sight of me. Howie was more pleasant, and I enjoyed the few visits with Gabe that my schedule allowed.

I was able to spend a bit more time at the agency, and as much as I hated to admit it, Kristin had been a good choice to watch the agency while I was occupied elsewhere. She made sound business decisions and was a good manager. I still didn’t like the fact that she was Zach’s ghoul, but I couldn’t fault her work on my behalf.

Once the boys had completed their base training, they had more free time to do as they wished, as Victoria had promised. The countess insisted on studying Petor further to determine the extent of his magical abilities. Frasier, on the other hand, became involved in the kinds of things he loved; translating ancient scrolls, looking through archeological records, and escorting beautiful women to elaborate parties.

There seemed no way to counter the suspicion and dislike many of the clan felt for me, and honestly, I didn’t even try. Paige continued with her rudely whispered comments, Missy tried to kill me with her eyes every time we met, and Amy ignored the very fact of my existence.

Still, there were others in the clan who were pleasant, if nothing else. Jon, the Country Chantry Regent, seemed to like and respect both Brenda and me, Mary Margaret seemed bent on including me in her mad plan to expose Brenda to every aspect of Kindred society in the Metro Detroit Area, and I was able to make friends with a few of the younger members of the clan.

As the end of my time with the Tremere came to a close, I wasn’t sure if I should be glad, or sorry it was almost over. The countess had nearly gotten the time she’d wanted from me and now that the time was nearly over, I found myself wanting to stay. As much as I wanted to be with Scott and the pack, being with the Tremere had reawakened a part of me that I thought had been buried with Christina. Deep down I knew I’d never be free of them.

Just two weeks from the end of my time in the chantry, I woke to the sound of alarms ringing through the building. Throwing on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt over my pajamas, I ran into the hallway to see what was happening. I wasn’t entirely surprised to see Brenda coming out of her room, or Frasier running toward me.

“Chaos took Petor,” he said quickly. “Rafe is dead.”

“He has Petor?” I demanded.

“What?” Brenda cried, anger coloring her voice. Without waiting for a reply, she ran down the hallway toward the stairs.

“He froze Rafe and me,” Frasier explained as we moved to follow her, though not as quickly. “He grabbed Petor and looked like he was about to leave, then he… it was like he got real old, his eyes turned black, and there was a cross burned between his eyes.”

“Wait, that’s Chaos,” I interrupted. “What did he look like before he changed?”

He paused to think a moment. “Long dreadlocks, blue eyes, kinda like a regular guy.”

“That was Malcolm,” I told him. “Okay, so he changed to Chaos. Then what happened?”

“He turned to Rafe and pointed at him,” he replied, “then said something like ‘You must die, but you will live again’ and Rafe just dropped dead.”

I cursed under my breath, trying not to panic. Frasier looked unharmed, and I could still feel Petor, somewhere distant to the southeast. I didn’t know what shape he was in, but at least he was still alive. Turning, I returned to my room to get properly dressed and gather my weapons.

After taking a moment to call Scott and fill him in on what had happened, as well as give him the direction I could feel Petor in, I headed for the foyer. Brenda joined me in the hall, also dressed for battle and fully armed.

Not nearly soon enough, Brenda, Frasier and I were on a street downtown, looking for Chaos and Petor. I’d kept the pack informed as we’d closed in on the location, so I knew they were nearby, but I didn’t see any of them on the streets.

Some of the Tremere ghouls had been sent to follow us and I knew from Brenda’s phone calls that more were coming, along with not a few of the Tremere themselves. Yet no matter how many people we had coming, I knew deep down we were going to be too late.

“Petor!” Frasier yelled, drawing my attention.

I turned to look, raising my gun. The world seemed to stop for just a moment, a snapshot of Petor held helpless by Malcolm, only it was a Malcolm I’d never seen. This was more like the creature Jason and Frasier had told me of, black eyes and branded X in the middle of his forehead, the evil being that had thrived on chaos and ruined lives. And now he was about to take Petor’s. Lord Chaos. In that instant I didn’t think of the Verbena, or of the friend who had given me a new life in Detroit. My only thought was of my ghoul’s safety.

The world began to move again as my finger tightened on the trigger. I didn’t even stop to aim, didn’t listen to Brenda’s shouted “Tina, no!” just squeezed, sending a bullet straight to Chaos’ black heart. Except he wasn’t Chaos when the bullet hit, he was Malcolm again, the Malcolm who had seemed to care about me and what I wanted. Malcolm fell to the ground, leaving Petor standing alone and safe.

I ran toward them, anxious to make sure that Petor really was okay. I’d barely made it halfway across the street when I was struck by some sort of shock wave that threw me stumbling backward and I landed on my ass.

Before I could stand a motorcycle squealed into view, stopping near what was now Malcolm’s prone body. As the driver tore off his helmet, I could hear him screaming obscenities at me. His face was young beneath dark hair, and he was crying as he knelt beside Malcolm’s corpse.

I was just getting to my feet when a burst of energy flowed from the boy, knocking me and everyone else within sight to the ground. That quickly I knew that the boy was now Chaos, that he was the one to take on Malcolm’s role in the Verbena Tradition. By murdering Malcolm, I had allowed him to pass the magic on, allowed the new Trimuritive to Become.

Chaos’ screams of frustration rang through my ears and I tasted blood on my lips, my blood. A white light filled my vision, making it almost impossible to see anything at all. Pain arched my back and when I looked up it seemed as if someone was standing over me before the white light faded to black.

**Author's Note:**

> My gaming group has always played fast and loose with the White Wolf rules, including lots of things we see in various TV shows, movies and books. We were playing mostly in the late 1990s and early 2000s so we use/used the editions available at that time. 
> 
> We also threw all the 'By Night' rules out of the window and created our own rulers in our cities. Some of the cannon White Wolf characters may show up from time to time, but don't expect them to be like the books. 
> 
> I'll be separating these stories both by character and by city, so some stories may be listed under multiple Series under my profile here on AO3. 
> 
> If you're interested in learning more about our world 'After Dark' please visit my website at www.whendarknessfalls.net.


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